In 12-step programs, there’s a saying that for anything to change, you must go through the three “A’s:” awareness, acceptance, and action. I’m very good at awareness and action. Acceptance? Not so much. I want to skip over acceptance and go right into action to fix whatever is wrong. I don’t want to sit with it or accept it. That’s the uncomfortable part. But there’s something to acceptance, to saying, “This is where I am right now and I don’t like it but I also don’t have to fight it.”
Did you know that one definition of “accept” is “to receive”? When I accept myself or my life circumstances, I’m receiving them, I’m meeting them, I’m greeting them. They become like a friend coming in out of a storm that I’m welcoming inside. There is no judgment, no sense of good or bad. Instead, there is neutrality and that’s exactly what I’m striving for right now. To let myself be what I am – no more and no less.
I love how flowy the jellyfish is. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash
I can apply that mentality to circumstances as well. Do I like them? No. Can I receive them? Yes. To take the guest analogy further, guests are not residents – eventually, they leave. Some guests stay longer than others, sure, but no one sticks around forever. And in the interim, what sort of host am I? I’d like to be the gracious and hospitable kind.
There’s also something to letting the flow take over. To say to whatever is happening in my life, “I’m entering the stream and I’m letting this take me where I need to go.” There’s grace in that act of acceptance because essentially, it’s surrendering to what is, which allows something else to emerge.
There’s a story in the Mahábhárata about surrender that I don’t particularly love but illustrates surrender beautifully. When Duhshásana was pulling the sari of Draopadii, she was tightly holding the cloth to her body with one hand, beseeching Lord Krśńa with the other. “Oh! My Lord, save me!” But he didn’t come forward to save her. When Draopadii found no means of escape, she then released her hold on the cloth and appealed to the Lord most piteously with both hands outstretched, saying, “O Lord, I surrender my all to you. Do what you think is best.” And then the Lord immediately rescued her.
When I can accept something fully, that’s when something greater, larger, more magnificent can step in. It’s essentially what I wrote about last week and having my life belong to love. When I first accept what is, I’m receiving what the Divine Beloved wants to bring into my life. I may not like it in the beginning, the water may be choppy, I may throw up from seasickness, but at some point, I’ll look back and say, “Oh, I see. You did that for my benefit.” But key to that process is first, accepting.
I dream of a world where we recognize for anything to change, we must go through the process of awareness, acceptance, and then action. A world where we understand to accept something is to receive it with care. A world where we allow ourselves to move with the flow by entering the stream of life exactly where we are, right now.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For the first time in many, MANY years I hosted a group meditation at my apartment. It sparked a cleaning frenzy and had me looking at my apartment with fresh eyes. Almost exactly four years ago I stuck two pieces of masking tape above my doorknob with the phrase, “This life now belongs to love and anything can happen.”
As you can guess, after four years I barely register those pieces of masking tape but today they struck me anew. The phrase comes from Tosha Silver’s book It’s Not Your Money, which I reread every February not because I plan on it but because that’s when I need a reminder that the Divine Beloved is my source for all. This ties into my post from last week about acting as if all is well in my world and that there’s an ever-present loving entity that wants to help me, that’s running this entire show we call life anyway.
Let your life belong to love. Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
Tosha remarks people often say, “You’ll never find a parking spot in that area,” or “You’ll never find a house in this market.” Her response is, “You’re right. You won’t find a parking spot … without God.” “You won’t find a house in this market . . . without God.” She encourages people to recognize with God/Source/the universe anything and everything is possible. If something is in our best interest, if it’s in our highest good, the Divine Beloved will make it so. Even if parking is terrible, the housing market is fiercely competitive, the economy is in the toilet, etc., what we need will always come to us.
Living in such a way requires that we let go of old stories and understand no matter what happened in the past, we can do things differently now. We can live a new reality where life belongs to love and anything can happen. Doing so opens us to magic and possibilities. It means we are letting ourselves be taken care of by something greater than ourselves.
This concept of letting life belong to love also means that I’m letting love lead the way. It’s seeing there is a divine presence here, in this moment, in every moment. It’s recognizing a loving force moves through me and through you. And again, I can consciously invite that loving force into my life.
I’ve been on the spiritual path for a long time and I still need the reminder that surrender doesn’t only happen on the meditation cushion. Real surrender means saying, “Hey God/higher power/universe, I want you to take care of this. Please guide my actions. I trust where you are leading me,” and then letting go, knowing whatever needs to come, comes, and whatever needs to go, goes. I let this life belong to love.
I dream of a world where we recognize the power and the presence of a loving force in our lives. A world where we’re able to surrender and let go of our micromanaging tendencies and fully trust all true needs will be met, and often in amazing ways. A world where we realize things work out better if we let our lives belong to love.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’m all about the questions these days. I want to be happy, joyous, and free so I’m asking what that looks like and how to accomplish it. I’m aware that happiness requires daily action, it’s not a destination, but I know the way I think and act has a lot to do with how I feel. Often, my thoughts are negative and I slip into worst-case scenarios, which doesn’t feel great.
If I throw a party, I’m sure no one will come. If it’s a slow week work-wise, I’m convinced I won’t be able to pay my rent and will have to move back in with my parents. I know it’s a protective mechanism, that I want to save myself from disappointment and also prepare for the worst, but it kind of sucks. It’s not fun to constantly scan for threats and be negative. As I wrote about last week, it robs me of joy.
I’m affirming, “I create a new life with new rules that totally support me.” But how do I actually do that? What occurred to me is a concept that I learned from 12-step programs, which is “acting as if.” It means pretending until something feels real. It’s building a baseball field believing the players will come, to cite the movie Field of Dreams. It’s taking contrary actions that don’t feel natural until one day they do.
“If you build it, he will come.” Classic acting as is. Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
For me, the questions are, “How can I act as if the universe loves and supports me? What would I do/say/think if I believed all is well and that I’m being taken care of?” It may seem like small questions but the ramifications are huge. If I believe the money will come to pay my rent, then right now I would stop worrying and spinning my wheels. If I trust that all is well, I would have patience in the here and now knowing that every delay is beneficial and the perfect fill-in-the-blank has already been selected. I would affirm that all right actions will be shown.
It reminds me of something my friend Emma said in November 2021 after I was in a car accident: “There will always be an invitation to the fear and negativity party but you can choose to decline.” It was a powerful perspective shift that’s resurfacing. I don’t have to say yes to negativity and worst-case scenarios. I can choose to center myself in faith, not by doing it once, but like with happiness, making it a daily practice.
My spiritual teacher says over and over again if a person takes shelter in the Supreme, they need not be afraid of anything in this world. That the divine is “more courageous than the most courageous, and braver than the bravest. Those who take shelter in [the divine] are therefore bound to acquire these qualities: courage, bravery, chivalry, and so on. Once endowed with such qualities, what is there to fear?”
When I’m in fear, I’m not taking shelter in the Divine Beloved. I’m separating myself and saying, “Oh no! I’m all alone! I have to figure it out!” But I’m not alone, ever. There is an entity that is nearer than near, that is with me now, forever, and always. What would my life be like if I remembered that? And if that feels inaccessible, which it does right now, what if I acted as if I was never alone? That I was always loved, always cared for, and always supported? I’m not sure yet but I notice my breathing deepens and I feel soothed contemplating it so I think I’m on the right track.
I dream of a world where we remember there can be a step between doubt and faith. A world where we recognize that step is acting as if. A world where we realize even if we don’t believe it, we can act as if all is well, that we are loved, taken care of, and supported. A world where we know there is power in pretending because eventually, the masquerade becomes reality.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
On the heels of my post from last week about not settling, emerged another question: “What is my capacity for joy?” If I go after what I truly want, how comfortable am I getting it? Or experiencing joy in general? It turns out I’m not all that comfortable. It’s been humbling to realize I feel better when things are going wrong than when they’re going right. And also to recognize I stop myself from feeling joy by imagining all the terrible things that could happen.
Here’s a perfect example I keep thinking about. In September 2014, my dear friend Amal and I went to Tomales Bay and swam with bioluminescent plankton. For context, Tomales Bay only has a few nights a year in which numerous factors come together so that you can perceive the bioluminescent plankton in its waters.
He and I arrived on such a night and not only did we creep to the edge of the water and splash around, Amal made the impulsive decision to get into the water. Without a wetsuit. In the Pacific Ocean. While I was wearing a hat and coat and scarf on the beach. The water though? It was warm. Warm! With a little coaxing, I stripped down to my underwear and joined him.
This is the Maldives, so not Tomales Bay but it *is* bioluminescence. Photo by Ahmed Nishaath on Unsplash
It was the most magical, mystical, profound experience with nature I’ve ever had. Him too. It was so powerful, he wrote his master’s thesis about it and I highly recommend you read his account if you haven’t already. If you want the in-depth version, there’s also a video. Here is a small quote from his piece:
“It’s one thing to think, to believe that the universe is interpenetrating and interconnected – that everything resonates with everything else, and really we’re all a part of a web. It’s another thing to literally see it – to feel it. Spinning in circles, every thrust of my arm out before me was like a spiral arm of the Milky Way, the movements of my body giving birth to billions of glimmering stars. And the lights – the lights responded to me. If I moved slowly, they moved slowly. If I moved quickly, they worked hard to keep up. Violent or gentle, deep or shallow, no matter how I moved, no matter what I did, the lights, the bay, the whole universe, it felt like, seemed lovingly, longingly, intimately desperate to respond. I felt embedded. I felt like I was dancing.”
How does this relate to my post on joy? Because even while experiencing all this beauty and wonder, I couldn’t fully be there! I kept worrying I’d get stung by a jellyfish, or step on something weird, or cut my foot on a rock. When I told Amal about it on the car ride back, he said, “That makes me sad.” I heard what he said but I couldn’t take in the sentiment because it’s where I was at the time. My sleep disorder hadn’t been sorted out, my nervous system was on high alert all the time, I was in the middle of packing up my apartment to move again. In other words, I was a wreck and so of course it was hard to take in joy.
I’m not beating myself up about it but I also don’t want to keep missing out on my life because I’m so worried about what may or may not happen. I don’t want to think about jellyfish and rocks when I’m having a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I want to be fully present and immersed in joy. The solution? I’m still working on it but it starts with letting go of my old self and replacing it with someone new.
Louise Hay has a wonderful affirmation that addresses this: “I create a new life with new rules that totally support me.” In my new life with new rules that totally support me, it’s safe to be joyful. It’s safe to be happy. I allow myself to experience all the good that life has to offer and I want that for you too.
I dream of a world where we let ourselves experience the full range of our emotions. A world where we fully immerse ourselves in the moment without worrying it will disappear. A world where we know at any time we can choose to think differently. A world where we increase our capacity to feel joy.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.