There’s a Post-it taped to my bathroom mirror that says, “Remember: Life can be surprising and delightful.” I need this reminder because one of my trauma responses is hypervigilance. I’m constantly scanning for threats and waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. It’s a survival strategy, but not a particularly fun one.
Saturday was a sweet reminder that life can be surprising and delightful. I met up with a new friend at my favorite vegan bakery and coffee shop. She’s a professional astrologer and, of course, someone I’d like to know better. During our conversation, she said she’s moving. When I asked where, it turns out she’ll be about five blocks away from me! OMG, amazing! I love hyperlocal friends! The possibility of a spontaneous hang increases exponentially!
Ever since my friend and neighbor Emma moved out years ago, I’ve wanted another hyperlocal friend, so this is a potentially answered prayer. TBD because we’re still getting to know each other but maybe! And regardless, how often do you meet someone about to live on your same street?!?
Leaving the coffee shop, I checked my transit options and instead of waiting 10 minutes or so for the bus, I had to wait 30 because the next scheduled bus was canceled. To kill time, I wandered along the street and drifted into a flower shop. On a whim, I asked if they had flower-arranging classes because I’ve never done that before and would like to. When the cute florist said no, the interaction could have ended there, but it didn’t.
He made a joke that the store is terrible about promoting itself and suggested I write down my name and email address. We had a friendly/flirty conversation for the next 30 minutes, and he gave me two allium flowers for free.
The flowers in question.
That definitely wasn’t on my bingo card for the day! But it was a sweet reminder of exactly that: Life can be surprising and delightful. I often think I know what’s coming, that there’s a script for how each day will play out, but there isn’t. Every day is filled with the possibility of something unexpected, something delightful, something that reminds us there is good and beauty and joy in the world.
I perpetually want to know the future so I can feel safe in the present but that’s not how life works. Safety comes from being here, now. Here, now. As Ram Dass, author of Be Here Now wrote, “What are you doing? Planning for the future? Well it’s all right now but later? Forget it baby, that’s later. Now is now. Are you going to be here or not? It’s as simple as that!”
Being here, now is also what allows me to be surprised and delighted. If I’m too focused on what’s happening next, I don’t create space to be in the moment and it turns out sometimes the present moment is pretty wonderful.
I dream of a world where we come back to here and now. A world where instead of predicting the future and imagining it will be terrible, we remember that life can amaze us, in a good way. A world where we remember life can be surprising and delightful.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I keep thinking about fantasy, delusion, and reality. A spiritual teacher I like was convinced Kamala Harris would become the next president. When Trump won on election night, she said, “Kamala won’t concede! She’ll ask that the election be investigated!” When that didn’t happen, this teacher said, “The election won’t be certified!” And then when that didn’t happen, she said, “Just wait until late April or early May. This election isn’t over! It’s all about to end!”
What interests me is not the content – people believe wacky things all the time – it’s that she kept saying her intuition told her all of this was true. And not only her intuition, but intuitive tools like tarot cards and signs. All of her tarot cards said more would be revealed. And she received sign after sign, things like walking around town and seeing t-shirts and bumper stickers that said, “The End,” which she interpreted to mean Trump’s reign was about to come to an end.
Yet here we are in mid-May and Donald Trump is still president. So what gives? How could her intuition be so wrong? Especially when she received external signs? It’s not like you can make that sort of thing up. Here’s the thing: An incredibly painful lesson I’ve had to learn over and over again is that signs are literal. People read into them, adding in their own layers, but usually, the universe will answer the question you ask.
Let yourself ground in reality, not fantasy. Photo by Stas Ostrikov on Unsplash
Here’s a perfect example from my own life: When I was in my early-20s, I was completely enamored with an avoidant man. I didn’t know he was avoidant because I didn’t learn that term until later, but what I did know is we had a strong connection, yet he ran away from it. He was hot and cold, giving me mixed signals, and it made my head spin. Was this something worth pursuing or not? So I asked the universe. I said, “Who is my soulmate?” and literally in that moment, a truck drove by with just this man’s initials spray-painted across the side in giant letters. It seemed pretty clear to me. He was my soulmate! We would get married and live happily ever after!
Spoiler alert: We didn’t. I thought “soulmate” meant romantic partner but it doesn’t. A soulmate is someone who you have a deep connection with and often impacts your life in a profound way. This could be a friend, a boss, or even a pet. And this man? He absolutely changed the trajectory of my life. It was because of him that I pursued healing and immersed myself in the world of mental health, so much so that I’m a ghostwriter for therapists. I became a different person as a result of our connection. Was he my soulmate? Yes. Was he my “sitting in rocking chairs growing old together partner?” No.
That’s the thing about signs and intuition – we receive information but the interpretation is likely skewed based on our desires, biases, and more. This is also why using our brains is so important. My spiritual teacher says, “The highest treasure of human beings, distinct from other creatures, is their intellectual superiority. Had there been no intelligence in humans, they would hardly be different from other animals.”
He encourages everyone to practice discernment. To use their brains as well as their intuition. Like if your intuition says Elon Musk used his internet provider Starlink to steal the 2024 election for President-elect Donald Trump, to check whether voting equipment is even connected to the internet (it isn’t). Or if your intuition says to buy a car and then you take it to two mechanics and they say the car is a lemon, trust them.
I know it can be excruciatingly painful when your intuition doesn’t match reality. I don’t want to minimize that because these experiences of learning I misinterpreted my intuition have been the most heart-wrenching of my life. And at the same time, reality is reality. I’d much rather be grounded in reality than live in some fantasy land that never comes true. I’ve been in fantasy plenty of times and it only ever ends in disappointment and heartbreak, which is much worse than seeing things as they really are.
I dream of a world where we understand that interpreting our intuition is an art, not a science. A world where we recognize that the universe is very literal and oftentimes we’re the ones that add in layers and meaning to the signs and messages we receive. A world where instead of relying solely on intuition, we also use logic and reason. A world where we ground ourselves in reality because reality is where life happens.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
We are every age we’ve ever been. That means there’s still a 22-year-old, a 12-year-old, a 2-year-old, an infant inside us. Just because we physically age doesn’t mean those younger parts disappear. They live within and they need the same things now that they needed then. My inner infant still needs to be held. My 5-year-old still wants to play. And all of my parts still need to be mothered.
I’m lucky that my mother is still alive and we have a good relationship. It’s something I cherish, being able to call her up in my time of need, whether that’s to hear her perspective or ask how to do something. And at the same time, I’ve had to learn how to mother myself. As Donna Ashworth says, not all mothers are mothers. She goes on to write the following:
“Some mothers are aunts by blood, or by royal appointment. Some are sisters, best friends, with safe spaces for laps and listening ears so large they can hear silent cries. Some are teachers who will be remembered lifelong for all the right reasons. Not all mothers are mothers. And if you have one in your life, you are blessed. They have much love to give. And they are walking around this earth with nurture flowing out of their pores. Not all mothers are mothers, but oh how they mother. And this world should throw petals at their mothering feet, as they teach us all, how unconditional love is done.”
And while it’s true that not all mothers are mothers, and sometimes mothering comes from a friend or a teacher, it also comes from ourselves. It’s the self that lets you cry so hard you start to hiccup. It’s the self that allows the full, authentic expression of who you are without needing to change one thing. It’s the self that says, “I’m still here, I’m not going anywhere.” It’s the self that feeds you nourishing food. It’s also the one that sets boundaries and says, “It’s time for bed.”
We could all use some of this. Photo by Matt Hoffman on Unsplash
Mothering is a constant process because as long as you’re alive, you’ll always need mothering. There’s also the Great Mother, and by that I mean a loving higher power. In my spiritual tradition, we say that divine bliss and grace are always being showered upon each and every being but we don’t feel it because we’re holding the umbrella of vanity or ego over our heads. If we want to be drenched by that divine shower, we have to remove the umbrella.
Removing the umbrella means admitting we need care, nurturing, and support. But it’s also being brave enough to feel it, whether that’s from ourselves, another, or a higher power. It’s being willing to receive that love. But it’s also remembering that even if we aren’t ready, the mother is still there loving us, nurturing us, holding us, whispering, “I’m here when you need me.”
I dream of a world where we recognize we’ll always need to be mothered. A world where we offer ourselves the nurturing, love, care, and support we need. A world where we recognize there’s also a Great Mother that is showering us with divine bliss and grace. A world where we understand even if we don’t feel it, that love is always there and the choice is up to us whether we let ourselves be mothered.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Lately, I’m noticing how the universe is conspiring on our behalf. The right people are showing up at the right time to help my friends. The things that seemed impossible are suddenly possible. And in my own life, this happened in a big way with my novel.
I’ve been working on a heroine’s journey novel for 3.5 years. It’s about belonging, community, and recovery from an eating disorder. Writing the book hasn’t been easy at all. Shortly after I started, I realized I didn’t actually know how to write a novel and enrolled in a course at UC Berkeley. I joined writing groups and took more courses. I cried and wrung my hands, and wasn’t sure I could write a full-length novel, which, for my category (women’s fiction), needs to be at least 75,000 words. That’s 230 pages double-spaced in a Word document.
Sometimes the writing flowed, but most of the time it did not. And yet, through it all, I felt like the universe was supporting me, and I received confirmation of that over and over again. When I wasn’t sure if my story mattered, I met someone struggling with an eating disorder at 32, and my book is about a woman who struggles with an eating disorder at 32 and finds recovery.
Once I got on board with my book mattering, I still wasn’t sure I could write 75,000 words but I did. A day or two after I hit that goal, I got a call from a client who was circling back to me after a year of not working together. He lives in Dallas but for some reason that day he called me from his cellphone so “McKinney, Texas” popped up on my screen. Do you know where the bulk of my book takes place? McKinney, Texas.
After a friend read my novel, it became clear to me I needed to hire a professional to read it but I didn’t have the funds for that. I prayed and said, “God, if you want me to hire an editor for this novel, you need to find the money for it.” Literally the next day, I received an assignment from a magazine I write for sometimes, that after taxes, would be enough to hire an editor.
Last Monday, I turned in that manuscript to the editor and told my chiropractor it felt like this book wants to be in the world. I went into her waiting room and pulled the oracle card below.
You can’t make this stuff up.
In case you can’t read it, it says, “The word wants to be written.” I burst out laughing when I saw the message because it couldn’t be any clearer: yes, this book does want to be in the world, and yes, the universe is helping to make that happen. It reminds me of a quote/concept I’ve written about before.
My spiritual teacher says that “whatever happens in this universe of ours is nothing but an expression of Cosmic desire or Cosmic will … when a human desire and His desire coincide, then only does the human desire become fruitful, otherwise it is a sure failure.”
In other words, if something is meant to be, the universe will help you. It may not always be easy, because again, I would never say writing a novel is easy, but there will likely be something within you that whispers, “Don’t give up! Keep going!” Or you might get external validation like I did in the form of signs. Regardless, instead of being cold and unfeeling, the universe, or more accurately, Cosmic Consciousness, is loving, supportive, and conspiring on our behalf. And when so much in the world seems to be going wrong, it’s important for me to remember that.
I dream of a world where we realize there is a force in the world that’s loving us, guiding us, and supporting us. A world where we understand that when human desire and Cosmic desire coincide, that’s when our dreams come true. A world where we recognize the universe is conspiring on our behalf.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.