Life is a Wheel

I can say unequivocally that “happily ever after” has screwed me up. A young part of me latched onto the idea that if I just do xyz, I’ll be happy forever. No more tears, no more sadness, no more hard moments – just frozen in a perpetual state of happiness until I die. We’re sold this narrative over and over again, but, well, life isn’t like that.

My spiritual teacher says, “Here in the universe, nothing is stationary, nothing is fixed. Everything moves; that’s why this universe is called jagat. Movement is its dharma; movement is its innate characteristic.”

Movement is the innate characteristic of the universe. Nothing is stagnant or static or stale. That means life itself also moves. Instead of a destination, someplace to arrive, life is like a wheel – there are ups and downs. Moments of contentment and boredom. I’ve been incredibly focused on happiness, but what if I accepted that’s not possible because there’s only happi-er, not happi-ness?

I haven’t read the book; I’ve only listened to interviews about it, but Oprah Winfrey and Arthur Brooks wrote “Build the Life You Want.” It’s a mix of scientific research, personal stories from Oprah, and actionable strategies. Something they say is, “Happiness is not a feeling.” We think it is, and then we chase after that feeling, but it doesn’t work. In part because of something called “hedonic adaptation,” which means we revert to our happiness baseline after a spike – for instance, getting a raise at work. It’s no longer the thing that makes us super happy – it instead becomes something normal.

Also, thinking happiness is a feeling means happiness will always be dependent on external circumstances. It puts us into the position of a reactor to life instead of an actor. What Oprah and Arthur emphasize is happiness is not the goal and unhappiness is not the enemy. I’m going to say that again: unhappiness is not the enemy, yet we often think it is. If we’re unhappy, we want to change it, do something, but it’s just as important to learn and manage the unpleasant emotions as it is to savor the pleasant ones.

Rather than escaping certain emotions, it’s better for us to learn from them because life is a wheel. We cannot outrun fear, anger, and sadness, no matter how hard we try. That doesn’t mean we’re doing something “wrong,” it just means we’re alive. How do we feel happier? According to Oprah and Arthur, becoming happier means relishing little joys, investing in friendships, serving others, having difficult conversations with people, finding purpose, and developing faith in something larger than yourself.

As for me, feeling happier starts with throwing “happily ever after” out the window and reminding myself life is a wheel – constantly moving, ever changing. If I’m not enjoying how I feel, I just need to wait a minute and I’ll likely cycle through something else.

I dream of a world where we recognize there is no happily ever after. A world where we understand happiness is not a feeling we can chase but rather an exercise in growth and development. A world where we realize unhappiness is not the enemy. A world where we accept that life is a wheel.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.