Right now, Jews all over the world (myself included) are celebrating Passover. If you don’t know what Passover is or would like a refresher, it’s the story of Moses, the burning bush, and the 10 commandments. What continues to be most relevant in my opinion is how Moses commanded the Egyptian Pharaoh of the time to let the enslaved Jews go free, and the Pharaoh refused. As retribution, God delivered 10 plagues. (If you want to read the whole story, you can do so here.) If I had to summarize the story of Passover, it’s about escaping plagues and seeking freedom.
In Hebrew, the word for Egypt is Mitzrayim, which also means narrow spaces. Last year as we were in the early stages of COVID-19 and quarantine, Passover was especially symbolic. I think we all felt in an embodied way what it means to be in a narrow space either physically or emotionally.
This year society is in a different place and as such the holiday is resonating in a different way for me. Collectively, we’re still in the tight, narrow space, the metaphorical Egypt, but there’s also light at the end of the tunnel. We’re almost out of that place. And that’s what this holiday reminds us – that deep, dark, painful things happen to us in life, sometimes personally and sometimes collectively, but also there’s relief when those things are no longer there. That relief is what’s snagging my attention. Vaccines are rolling out and in my own state, everyone older than 16 will be eligible for vaccination by April 15th. I know there’s still time before it’s safe to breathe the same air as strangers without a mask, but still. We’re about to experience liberation and freedom in a way we have not since COVID-19 hit.
Free like this! Photo by Stephen Leonardi on Unsplash
To bring it back to Passover, I find it telling that when I said to a friend we should sing a melancholy song at our Zoom shabbat gathering, he said Passover isn’t a sad holiday. It’s joyous, it’s about celebrating freedom.
His comment struck me because so often I focus on the melancholy, the struggle, and not the joy. I know it’s premature to celebrate just yet because the pandemic is still affecting our lives – some more than others – but this holiday celebrates hope and courage without omitting the pain.
A quote that I think fits in nicely with the theme of Passover comes from Saint Bartholomew who said, “Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond the pain.”
Who are we beyond the pain of our personal and collective Mitzrayim? Who are we on the other side of transformation? Who will we be when we reach the metaphorical promised land? How will we operate? How will the world operate? I’m curious to find out. Passover reminds me of all this – pain and pleasure. But mostly, it reminds me how sweet it is to be free.
I dream of a world where we take heart from our ancestors. A world where we remember their lives – Jewish or not – were filled with not only suffering, but overcoming suffering. A world where we recognize we don’t have to run from pain because we’ve already experienced it countless times. A world where we feel all we are beyond the pain and remember how joyful freedom can be.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
As California enters its second lockdown, I keep thinking about freedom. What does it mean to be free? Some people would say it’s doing whatever you want, whenever you want. But is that really true?
I read a great essay by Rebecca Solnit on “Masculinity as Radical Selfishness.” She mentions the axiom, “My right to swing my arm ends where your nose begins,” which is about balancing personal freedom with the rights of others. It’s also about watching out for someone else’s rights. She says what we’re seeing a prevalence of right now though is the idea that my right to swing my arm doesn’t end where your nose begins, but instead just doesn’t end. And in fact, your nose is not my problem and should get out of the way.
She also says in the U.S., “unlimited armswinging peaks at an intersection between whiteness and maleness, with plenty of white women on board who seem to believe that a white lady’s job is to protect white men’s armswinging (often with a selfless disregard for their own noses).” I think she’s right. Often what we associate with “freedom” is really just hypermasculinity because again to quote Solnit, the isolated individual (ideally white and male) are the metaphorical fists and must rule supreme. However, there’s a lack of understanding here that no man is an island; we don’t live in our own self-contained bubbles accomplishing everything by ourselves. It seems to me this pandemic more than anything is highlighting that. We want someone else to cut our hair. We want someone else to make our food. We want someone else to sit next to us and smile.
Would this woman be able to travel safely without the limit of road rules? No. Photo by Averie Woodard on Unsplash
Humans are social creatures. We are not meant to live in isolation. The hypermasculine freedom some in the U.S. idealize is a myth because what happens when that individual gets sick? They rely on the collective to help them out – they go to the hospital for care, or a doctor, or the drugstore.
My spiritual teacher says “just as my life is important to me, others’ lives are equally important to them; and if we do not give proper value to the lives of all creatures, then the development of the entire humanity becomes impossible.”
It becomes impossible because individual life is bound to the collective. Collective welfare lies in individuals and individual welfare lies in collectivity. There is no instance where my individual welfare doesn’t contribute to collective welfare. And furthermore, real freedom requires constraint. That may seem like an oxymoron but hear me out. Retired Navy SEAL, author, and podcaster Jocko Willink says, “Freedom is what everyone wants – to be able to act and live with freedom. But the only way to get to a place of freedom is through discipline. If you want financial freedom, you have to have financial discipline. If you want more free time, you have to follow a more disciplined time management system. Discipline equals freedom applies to every aspect of life: If you want more freedom, get more discipline.”
He’s talking specifically about individual freedom of course, but I think the same message applies to collective freedom. We’re able to drive safely, for the most part, because there are rules associated with driving. We’re able to buy food we enjoy because there are regulations that keep expired food off the shelves. I realize there are problems with the rules and regulations I listed, but I’d much rather have those problems than going into a grocery store and wondering if the food I’m buying will poison me.
Real freedom requires discipline and a care for others. Anything else is just selfishness that will eventually catch up to us.
I dream of a world where we recognize true freedom requires giving up a little bit of freedom. A world where we understand we can’t do what we want whenever we please without consequences for ourselves and others. A world where we understand real freedom requires limits.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been thinking a lot about freedom because of the July 4th holiday. I’ve been wondering, what does it mean to be free in today’s world when many people are not allowed to live their lives? When they are shot for running down a street? When they are killed in their beds? I’m referencing publicized murders of Black people in the United States of course, but I could also start listing crimes against indigenous people, people of color, those in the LGBTQIA community, Jews, Muslims, and many others. But what’s interesting about this time we’re living in is there’s an added layer about freedom for all of us.
I’m sure you’ve noticed we’re still experiencing a pandemic and many people, regardless of how they identify, are quarantining. A large swathe of us are unable to live our lives the way we used to before COVID-19 struck. Many of us are exclusively working from home. We can’t get our hair cut or work out at the gym. We can’t celebrate together in large groups. We can’t even hug our friends. So again, I ask, what does it mean to be free? I keep thinking about an expression I’ve heard: prison is a state of mind. Surely that’s not true, is it?
I’d like to reference writer Rayya Elias who was incarcerated at Riker’s Island for drug dealing and possession. After she was clean and sober, she wrote a memoir, Harley Loco, and she was invited to speak at the opening ceremony of the prison’s library. Various people filled the audience, including current prison inmates. Elias spoke to the incarcerated women directly and told them this is not who you are, a prisoner in a jumpsuit, and this is not where you live, Riker’s Island.
Photo by Mitchel Lensink on Unsplash
Pointing to her heart she said, “This is who you are.” Pointing to her head she said, “And this is where you live.” She reminded them that would always be true – they would always be the people they are in their hearts and they would always live inside their minds. Her statements have stuck with me because she’s right, we do live in our minds and so perhaps that’s where freedom lies as well. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not saying we should sit back and do nothing about all the injustice going on in the world because we all just live in our heads. What I’m advocating is a three-pronged approach: free our bodies, free our minds, and free our spirits.
A way that I know of to free the mind is to practice meditation. Doing so can free the mind so that a person feels content even while physically imprisoned. That’s not conjecture, by the way. My spiritual teacher modeled that for me. He was jailed and fasted on two cups of liquid for more than five years, but he was still as content as could be. He was an extraordinary human being but he was still a human being. That means he has demonstrated for all of us what is possible. He has shown us that no matter where we are, no matter our circumstances, we can still feel free.
My teacher said practicing santośa, or contentment, will cultivate that feeling. When discussing the intuitional practice of meditation, he said santośa is contentment with receiving things we did not ask for, which to me sounds like freedom.
I dream of a world where we work to free ourselves in body, mind, and spirit. A world where we work to improve the lives of ourselves and others. A world where we remember we live inside our heads. A world where we understand what freedom really means.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I wish to be transformed. Really and truly. I wish to soar to new heights to realize my full potential and be the person I’ve always dreamed I could be. I wish to do great, be great, and feel great. And you know what? I can.
I used to believe there were things about myself I was stuck with. I used to believe there were certain personality traits I was doomed to express forever.
Now I’ve come to realize everything can change, everything.
There’s an expression, “As you think so you become.” I think I can transform. I think I can change. I think I can realize my full potential. But retraining your thoughts is hard. Reciting affirmations all the time isn’t enough for me. The emotional freedom technique only takes me so far.
When I’ve gone as far as I can go I reach out my hand for help. I call on God and ask God to lift me up. I ask God to bring me above myself, my limitations. I ask God to help me to change, to show me the way. I ask God to help me soar to my highest heights, to transform me into my best person. I turn myself over to a power greater than myself, a power that has the capacity to change me, to get rid of the personality traits I no longer wish to express. I turn to God for my transformation.
And you know what? I shift, I change, I move. I don’t have to limit myself to what I “think” life is like. I don’t have to settle for anything, including myself. I don’t have to say “I’m impatient and that’s the way it will always be.” I can change, you can change, we all can change if we so desire.
I dream of a world where we as humans don’t settle for anything. Where we recognize all possibilities. Where we understand Yes We Can for anything, for everything. Where we can rid ourselves of personality traits we don’t like. Where we can rise above the issues giving us trouble. Where we can reach our dreams, where we can find success, where we transform ourselves. It can happen. It already has.
Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.
I find myself constantly reacting. “She said this so then I felt this.” Or “this happened so consequently I felt X.” I’m noticing how not fun that is. How not fun it is to constantly go outside myself for validation/support/comfort/whatever. How not fun it is to feel like a passive player in life instead of an active participant.
My last post I wrote about need. I suppose this post is a deepening/extension of that.
Rev. Michael Beckwith said our natural state as human beings is to feel high. I wanted to believe him when I heard that but didn’t know how being in that state constantly was possible.
Now I do.
Yesterday I was sick, and thus loopy and needy and crazy. I craved affirmation and sought it from others. Even when my mother told me what I wanted to hear, it wasn’t enough. It didn’t satisfy me, it didn’t comfort me, it didn’t fill me like I wanted it to. I realized (again) the only person who can give me what I need – including comfort, validation, etc – is me. Yesterday’s experience only deepened my realization, my belief.
Today I spoke to the now oft-mentioned Heather asking her for techniques or mechanisms to help me find the comfort I seek from myself. Is there some sort of visualization or something I can do when I want to hear how awesome I am?
Her response was to simply ask God/my Higher Power/whatever for help. Say “I want to shift, please show me the way” and the answer will reveal itself. Say “I feel X and I want to feel Y.” It will happen.
I also think by simply asking we open ourselves up to that change, we open ourselves up for the shift to occur. And you know what? I shifted. I wanted to feel better? Now I do.
When Rev. Beckwith says the natural state as human beings is to feel high I think he’s right. However, it takes time to get there. It takes time for the shift, the change to happen. In the meanwhile, certain events/situations/conversations will still throw me for a loop or put me in a funk. But! But! I can quickly move out of those funks. I can move myself from feeling down and low and depressed into a place of love and tranquility and peace. I can, you can, we all can.
I envision a world where we all stop reacting to what happens to us and instead we choose how to respond. I envision a world where we feel the constant bliss, or love, or whatever it is we wish to feel. Where we know we have the choice to feel what we desire. I envision a world where we recognize our own power, our own purpose, our own light. I envision a world where we consciously experience what we want.
I know in my heart of hearts not only is another world possible, it’s probable. Let’s make it happen. =)