I watched a retelling of Cinderella that absolutely gutted me because it was so sad, so unjust. I’m not going to link to it because I’m about to give major spoilers, but if you’d like to see it, message me. This adult version of the story was told from the perspective of one of the stepsisters, Drizilla, and in it, Cinderella was a manipulative psychopath who lied, cheated, and stole. The story ends with Drizella in a sanatorium, not visited by a single person, while Cinderella became a princess.
So again, not a “happily ever after” kind of story. Not a “feel-good” kind of story. It was a brutal story that touched on something very important, which Drizella said near the end: “No one really wants the truth. Not when the truth is ugly, and the liar is beautiful.” Yeeees. The truth is ugly, uncomfortable. It often asks something of us. It forces us to look at something we’d rather not look at because it challenges our worldview or a belief we have about someone or ourselves. It’s much easier, in some ways, to keep living a lie.
Sometimes the truth is ugly. Photo by Michael Carruth on Unsplash
I see this with politics – elected officials lie all the time. They sell a story because it sounds good. It’s much easier to say, “We’re investigating fraud in states that just happen to be Democratic-led,” rather than, “We plan to bully and terrorize people who disagree with us.” It sounds reasonable to investigate fraud, which it is, but why is the investigation selective? That’s not a baseless example, by the way. In the past few days, the Trump Administration announced it is investigating fraud in 14 blue states. But just the blue ones, not the red ones. How convenient.
But here’s the thing about truth. As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in her latest memoir, “The truth has legs. It always stands. When everything else in the room has blown up or dissolved away, the only thing left standing will be the truth.” The way I like to think of it is you cannot escape reality. It will grab you by the collar and shake you. It will force you to look it in the face even when every part of you is trying to turn your head. You cannot escape reality any more than you can escape death.
This relates to spirituality because in Sanskrit, the unchangeable entity is Sat. The external manifestation of Sat is satya, or benevolent truthfulness. My spiritual teacher said, “Only satya or truth triumphs and not falsehood. Whenever there is a clash between truth and untruth, truth’s victory is inevitable. … Untruth, being a moving phenomenon, may attain a temporary victory on its march, but never a permanent one. … Falsehood does not win because it is relative, it is ever-changing.”
I take comfort in knowing that eventually the truth will come out. That falsehood doesn’t win because it goes against the unchangeable entity. That people can try to run away from the truth but they can’t run forever. Eventually, truth finds us all and the question becomes, what are we going to do about it?
I dream of a world where we understand a lie is often easier to swallow than the truth. A world where we recognize that even though it seems like lies are winning, their victory is only temporary. A world where we recognize we cannot escape the truth even if we try. A world where we remember the truth always comes out eventually, even when it’s ugly.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I feel unmoored because a very significant relationship has entered a new era. For context, this is a person who knows everything about me – all the things I want to keep hidden, my missteps, the self-destructive thoughts and actions – everything. She’s witnessed every crisis and every celebration from the last 12 years. She’s offered guidance, care, and support through it all and played an enormous role in me being the person I am today. In other words, she’s a true MVP. But now she’s not available like she was before and my inner child is freaking out.
It’s not only about the change in this relationship. It’s about the many, many changes over the past month. The things I thought were steady have turned out to be not so steady. Other relationships have dropped off, regular events have come to an end, and people died. All of it has me asking, “What can I even hold onto? What can I count on?”
What’s funny is that sometimes the universe gives me the answers to my questions in advance. Earlier this month, I had a conversation with a friend about precisely this topic. I told him the constant, unchangeable, permanent entity in our shared spiritual tradition is called Sat and that when we meditate, we are practicing Iishvara prańidhána. “Iishvara” means controller of the universe and “prańidhána” means to adopt something as a shelter. Therefore, Iishvara prańidhána means to adopt the controller of the universe as a shelter. It means to take refuge in the controller of the universe. In other words, to remember what is truly unchangeable.
We all need an anchor. Photo by Grant Durr on Unsplash
The joke’s on me because I thought I was having a casual conversation about spiritual philosophy with a newcomer when instead I was laying the groundwork for a huge spiritual lesson. My inner child, and other parts of me, want good things to stay the same. We want cherished relationships to remain steady and ever-present but they don’t. The nature of this universe is to change and I can no more stop things from changing than I can control when the sun sets.
When I contemplate how everything changes, I could curl into the fetal position and rock myself or I could do what my spiritual teacher suggests, which is to remember what is actually permanent, unchangeable, constant, and steady. Yes, it’s the Cosmic Consciousness but there’s also a relationship with that entity that’s important to remember.
He tells us that Cosmic Consciousness is our one true friend, and even more than that, the Divine Beloved is bandhu, or a person or entity who cannot stand separation. According to my spiritual philosophy, Cosmic Consciousness is inextricably involved with everything and cannot stand to be separated from Its creations.
Everyone else will come and go but the Divine Beloved is with me now, forever, and always through every lifetime. In this period of my life where so much is upending, it’s nice to remember I do have a reliable friend I can turn to all the time in all the ways. There is something I can hold onto like an anchor when I feel adrift at sea and that something is the Divine Beloved.
I dream of a world where we remember the only constant in life is change. A world where we stop trying to make impermanent things permanent. A world where we know where to turn when life gets choppy and we need something steady. A world where we recognize there is something we can hold onto and that something is the Divine Beloved.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.