There’s a Post-it taped to my bathroom mirror that says, “Remember: Life can be surprising and delightful.” I need this reminder because one of my trauma responses is hypervigilance. I’m constantly scanning for threats and waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. It’s a survival strategy, but not a particularly fun one.
Saturday was a sweet reminder that life can be surprising and delightful. I met up with a new friend at my favorite vegan bakery and coffee shop. She’s a professional astrologer and, of course, someone I’d like to know better. During our conversation, she said she’s moving. When I asked where, it turns out she’ll be about five blocks away from me! OMG, amazing! I love hyperlocal friends! The possibility of a spontaneous hang increases exponentially!
Ever since my friend and neighbor Emma moved out years ago, I’ve wanted another hyperlocal friend, so this is a potentially answered prayer. TBD because we’re still getting to know each other but maybe! And regardless, how often do you meet someone about to live on your same street?!?
Leaving the coffee shop, I checked my transit options and instead of waiting 10 minutes or so for the bus, I had to wait 30 because the next scheduled bus was canceled. To kill time, I wandered along the street and drifted into a flower shop. On a whim, I asked if they had flower-arranging classes because I’ve never done that before and would like to. When the cute florist said no, the interaction could have ended there, but it didn’t.
He made a joke that the store is terrible about promoting itself and suggested I write down my name and email address. We had a friendly/flirty conversation for the next 30 minutes, and he gave me two allium flowers for free.
The flowers in question.
That definitely wasn’t on my bingo card for the day! But it was a sweet reminder of exactly that: Life can be surprising and delightful. I often think I know what’s coming, that there’s a script for how each day will play out, but there isn’t. Every day is filled with the possibility of something unexpected, something delightful, something that reminds us there is good and beauty and joy in the world.
I perpetually want to know the future so I can feel safe in the present but that’s not how life works. Safety comes from being here, now. Here, now. As Ram Dass, author of Be Here Now wrote, “What are you doing? Planning for the future? Well it’s all right now but later? Forget it baby, that’s later. Now is now. Are you going to be here or not? It’s as simple as that!”
Being here, now is also what allows me to be surprised and delighted. If I’m too focused on what’s happening next, I don’t create space to be in the moment and it turns out sometimes the present moment is pretty wonderful.
I dream of a world where we come back to here and now. A world where instead of predicting the future and imagining it will be terrible, we remember that life can amaze us, in a good way. A world where we remember life can be surprising and delightful.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
It’s the time of year when people are making resolutions, plans, and goals for themselves. They’re picturing who they want to be and what they want to do this year. Someone asked me if I had any resolutions and the answer is no because my biggest lesson of 2024 was, “Stay in the moment because you don’t have a clue how things will turn out.”
Over and over again life surprised me with curveballs both good and bad. Longtime friends drifted out of my life. New ones arrived on my doorstep. High-paying clients stopped providing me with work. New ones took their place. I couldn’t have predicted any of it. So instead of making lists of what I want to accomplish, I’m embracing something poet Mary Oliver said: “Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.” As someone prone to worry, the “unimaginable” is often synonymous with “terrible.” Things like, “An earthquake is going to swallow me up!” or, “My dear friend is going to get hit by a bus!”
What’s around the bend? We have no idea. Photo by Dirk Spijkers on Unsplash
I’m pretty sure that’s not what Mary Oliver meant when she said keep room for the unimaginable. I suspect she meant, “Allow room for wonder, possibility, and joy.” When I read her quote, I feel warmth in my heart and remember that good things can happen out of the blue like meeting new friends, getting accepted into a film festival, or finding out you’re pregnant. The unimaginable can be incredibly sweet even if it wasn’t planned.
What I’ve learned in an even deeper way over the past year is I’m not meant to know everything. Life isn’t meant to follow a script, or at least not one we have access to. My spiritual teacher says, “Human beings should always remember that living beings are only actors in the vast universal drama composed by [Cosmic Consciousness]. . . . One should remember: ‘We are only playing specific roles in a great drama. I will act properly according to the role I have been given in this drama.’ This is a person’s duty. It is meaningless for a person to think about anything more than this – about what is beyond oneʼs power.”
There are many, many things beyond my power but what I can control is how I’m showing up in the world. Am I overly focused on my plan, my story, and how I think things should go? Or am I softening into the great unknown and remembering to save room in my heart for the unimaginable? This year I’d like to do the latter. So maybe I have a New Year’s resolution after all.
I dream of a world where we remember life can be surprising and delightful. A world where we understand we are all actors in a drama we didn’t write and don’t have the script for. A world where in addition to our plans, we save room in our hearts for the joyfully unimaginable.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.