Keep it Simple Even When You Want to Make It Complicated

When life gets stressful or complicated, I notice a tendency in me (and in some people I know) to make things even more stressful, even more complicated. I don’t know why exactly, but I suspect it’s because when people are scared, they start scanning for threats and want to resolve them all. It feels protective to try to fix everything. I don’t know about you, but for me, that only makes things worse.

Trying to do more when I’m already stressed and overwhelmed only ends in disaster, and my body pays the price. So instead, I have to remind myself, “Keep it simple.” Instead of raising the bar, I lower it. Rather than making dinner from scratch, I heat prepared food. Rather than making big decisions, I set those aside. It’s not what I want to do, but I’m learning that when I’m running hot, for whatever reason, the best thing for me is to turn down the temperature. This is also the advice I’m giving to others.

A few of my friends are going through some major challenges and they’re spinning out about what’s next. When they call me, I’m not helping them problem-solve (usually). Instead, I say to them, “Breathe with me. Inhale for four seconds, hold for two, and exhale for six.” And then we do that together for a couple of minutes. That’s it. Just breathe together. And then to orient them to the here and now, I ask them to tell me five things they can see, four things they can touch (and actually touch them), three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste.

We make everything very simple. We come back to this body, this breath, and then the very next right action. That could be making dinner or taking a shower or going to bed. Big decisions, ferreting out the truth, and analyzing the world are activities for when we’re regulated, not when we’re activated. There’s a part of me saying, “Really, Rebekah? You’re writing about self-regulation and keeping things simple? That’s the message you want to share this week? Not explaining the origins of the universe? Or illuminating some grand spiritual concept? This? This?” The answer is “yes.”

One of my favorite quotes about spirituality is, “There’s only one path to God, and that’s through the spine.” Some people think of spirituality as something “out there,” or that the human body is a nuisance. It’s not. The body is the path to enlightenment because everything happens to or in the body. And so that means in some ways there’s nothing more profound, nothing more sacred, than taking care of this form. And “taking care of” isn’t just eating nourishing food and exercising. It’s also supporting the nervous system. It’s actively putting ourselves back into a place of spaciousness.

Note that I said “spaciousness” and not “calm.” That was intentional because there are times we shouldn’t be calm. There are times when it makes complete sense to feel angry or sad or scared. But you can feel angry and not become reactive. You can feel sad and not let it consume you. That’s what breathing deeply and orienting toward the physical space around you does – creates a little more separation, a little more choice.

In this day and age where there are about a billion things that can elicit strong emotions and keep us operating from our limbic systems, I can think of no more powerful suggestion than, “Keep it simple.” Because when we do, we’re telling ourselves, “I matter.” And that’s true.

I dream of a world where we understand that when we want to complicate things, that’s likely when we most need to simplify. A world where we pause, breathe, and orient to what’s before us. A world where we do the next right action. A world where we keep it simple.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.