Reconnecting to Hope

I’ve been writing about transformation so much lately because that’s the phase of life that I’m in, but the shadow side is I keep bracing for the worst-case scenario. It’s perfectly reasonable, sensical, even, but that also means my hope for things working out or going the way I’d like is at a nadir.

Hope is so tricky. We’re told, “Don’t get your hopes up,” but also, “Expect the best and get it.” We’re told, “To live without hope is to cease to live.” But also, “Hope, in reality, is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.” Hope is dangerous, hope is life-affirming. Which is it?

I wish I had an answer but I can only speak for myself – it’s extremely difficult for me to live without hope and this week was a tender reminder that maybe it’s OK for me to hope again. I’ll give a small example. I’ve been pitching my novel to literary agents and keep hearing “no” or nothing at all, which is the same thing. It’s gotten to the point where I expect to be rejected. And listen, I know that’s the reality of publishing, I understand it’s rife with rejections from basically every angle, but that doesn’t make it any easier to handle.

In this state, I went to my Network Spinal Analysis chiropractor, who makes gentle contacts on my spine that cue my body to notice and then resolve tension. I started wriggling and writhing on the table, and after I sat up, burst into tears because I felt like maybe I could have hope again. Maybe it’s possible for me to not experience the worst-case scenario. I’m pitching to two literary agents in person next month and I started to feel excited about the similarities in what they’re looking for and what I’m offering.

Then, still at the chiropractor’s, I pulled an oracle card that said, “Faith in the process,” and I burst into tears (again). The meditation to accompany the card is saying aloud:

“I now ask that all disappointing experiences of the past that have led me to believe that life is not trustworthy or that faith is a silly or immature way to deal with life, be released from my mind, body, and heart. I ask for help to accept that I can and will attract all that is needed into my life, at the perfect time and in the perfect way. I ask to be empowered to absolutely receive all that can assist me with gratitude and without shame or guilt. In doing so, I dedicate myself to be a clear, loving, open channel for the flow of life. I know the benefit in doing so is not limited to me, but will flow so that life can benefit others through me. I trust in this now, through unconditional love, so be it.”

I think you can understand why I started crying. And at the same time, it still feels scary to hope for what I want. I’m so tired of being disappointed. But what I’m coming to, again, is summed up by that quote from the Bhagavad Giita: “You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions.” I can keep taking actions in every arena of my life, but what happens later? Not in my hands. But that doesn’t mean I have to shut down hope altogether.

I dream of a world where we understand it’s not helpful to become attached to certain outcomes. A world where we take inspired action but let go of the results. A world where instead of getting rid of hope, we allow ourselves to reconnect to it in a soft and gentle way.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.