I notice in myself and others the desire for certainty, resolution, simplicity. This means this, and that means that. We like binaries: heroes and villains. Black and white. I don’t know about you, but I’ve literally never encountered anything in real life without complication and nuance. If such a thing exists, can you let me know? I’d like to build a shrine to it. I digress. . .
Anyway, rather than simplicity and resolution, I experience a whole lot of paradox and doublethinking. Doublethinking is a term coined by George Orwell in his novel 1984 but it’s also a psychological mechanism. Specifically, it’s holding two completely contradictory beliefs in your mind at the same time and accepting both of them as true. For instance, “This person is my haven, the one I love and trust the most,” and also, “That same person is a threat, destroyed my trust, and hurt me deeply.” If you’re having trouble reconciling that, well, that’s kind of the point, but if it helps, think about how adultery applies here.
I think it’s fair to say U.S. culture is terrible at doublethink. When we’re faced with contradictory truths, instead of holding both, we push people to pick a side, flatten nuance, and reject the opposing truth completely. We talk about how “the other side” is the problem rather than attempting to resolve conflict internally. It’s really hard, generally, for us to say, “You’re both right.”
Hold it all and hold it all gently. Photo by Autumn Guinn on Unsplash
This isn’t serving us very well, as you can see. We’re dividing ourselves further and further, and I’m not sure anyone is really satisfied. Freedom doesn’t lie in convincing “the other side” that you’re right and they’re wrong. Real freedom lies in being able to say, “We’re both right, and we’re both wrong.” Can you imagine? What would it be like to admit that?
I can’t force anyone to admit that. I can’t control anyone’s mind, but I do have a choice in how I hold doublethink myself. I’m reminded of Rumi’s poem, The Guest House. I’m not going to quote the whole thing but the beginning says:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
I do think there’s an aspect to his poem that’s accurate: every morning there’s a new arrival. But I don’t find being human to be a “guest house”; it’s more like a psychiatric hospital, where some people enroll voluntarily, and others are there against their will. Some emotions and experiences I say, “Yes! Come! Stay as long as you like!” whereas for others my response is, “How long are you sticking around? Is there some way I can speed up your departure?” Rumi says to welcome and entertain them all, and understand that even the most hostile guest serves a purpose, acts as a teacher, and clears away debris.
I used to believe that but I don’t really anymore. Some things are just plain horrible. Sometimes we’re just suffering. And rather than trying to push away the bad things, rather than trying to reconcile things that don’t feel reconcilable, I’m instead learning life is full of doublethinking. Some things don’t resolve. Some things are contradictory and don’t cancel each other out. I can drive myself crazy trying to pick one truth over another, or I can do the seemingly impossible and hold them all.
I dream of a world where we remember life is complicated and filled with nuance. A world where we recognize two contradictory things can be true at the same time. A world where instead of trying to create resolution and certainty in ourselves and in the world, we practice holding it all.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Even though Passover is long over, I keep thinking about a story I heard. There’s a perception that during the exodus when God parted the Red Sea the Jews walked up to the water and tada! The water parted. However, Jewish teachings state that’s not what happened. The Jews waded into the water up to their knees and nothing. They kept going up to their waists and still nothing. Their chests, no change. The water came all the way up to their noses, meaning they could no longer breathe, and then the water parted.
So often when it comes to miracles, I want them to happen immediately, before I feel any pain. I want the Disney-fied version of events where there’s minimal struggle and I’m plodding along and everything is easy peasy. Sometimes life is like that, but oftentimes it’s not. Oftentimes, higher power waits until the last possible second to deliver a miracle. What to do? Keep moving with faith.
I’ll be honest, if I was escaping Egypt and kept wading into the water without being able to swim and not having a flotation device, I probably would have turned back. I don’t think I would have kept going. I would have acted from a place of fear and not experienced a miracle. I would have done the opposite of what Rumi advises which is, “Move, but don’t move the way fear makes you move.”
Even when it’s blurry, keep moving. Photo by Martin Adams on Unsplash
I often move the way fear makes me move, especially when it comes to money. Bank balance running low? Better apply for a million jobs even if I’m not really interested! No new clients? Start contacting everyone and their mother! But that doesn’t work for me. Desperation rarely does.
The question then, is how can I move with faith? What sort of decisions do I make when I believe things will work out? What if I truly believed the universe has my back, even if I don’t see any evidence until the last possible second?
From that place, I’m calmer, curious, and open. From that place, I remember the magic and the mystery of the universe. When I’m in faith, beautiful things can come out of the blue. I receive a random email or telephone call from someone looking for my ghostwriting or content writing services. I find a random object I’m looking for, such as Play-Doh, on the side of the street for free.
Tosha Silver writes in her book Outrageous Openness if you think of the Divine as your ultimate protection and your Source for everything, “Then the Universe can use anything it wishes to meet your needs. You’re no longer limited to what your conditioned mind thinks is possible.” She has countless stories of this happening in her life and in the lives of others. For instance, she found an apartment through a hairdresser and someone else found a literary agent by bowling them over in a yoga class. Fear leads us to believe we must force things; we have to make them happen. Trust and faith show us we can relax and be shown the next steps on our path. In other words, faith causes us to move differently.
I dream of a world where we soothe our fearful parts when they’re freaking out. A world where we understand what’s ours is ours and will show up at the perfect time in the perfect way. A world where instead of moving from a place of fear, we move from a place of faith.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I read a Rumi quote the other day that struck me: “Move, but don’t move the way fear makes you move.” Wow. What a statement. So often I’ve moved in exactly that way. I’ve let fear motivate me and have made decisions from a fear-based state. I’m not judging myself for it – it makes sense because fear is like an alarm bell and I was doing whatever I could to turn it off. Historically, that’s meant spinning out and acting compulsively. I’d apply for a million jobs on LinkedIn even if I wasn’t interested in them just because I was freaked out and worried about money. Or I’d move from one place to the next because where I was living felt intolerable and I couldn’t stand being there for another minute.
But moving the way fear makes me move so often put me out of the frying pan and into the fire. In other words, my fear-based decisions didn’t improve my situations and sometimes made them worse. For instance, years ago the fabulous cottage I escaped to turned out to be not so fabulous because it lacked any insulation. Making decisions out of fear doesn’t really work out for me. Instead, I’m learning to move the way trust makes me move. What sort of decisions do I make believing things will work out? That the universe has my back? How do I behave if I honestly believe whatever needs to come will come and whatever needs to go will go?
Wow. What a picture, right? Photo by Craig Chitima on Unsplash
From that place I find I’m more thoughtful, considerate, and curious. I believe in the magic and the mystery of the universe and know beautiful things can come out of the blue. I know I’ll receive a random email or telephone call from someone looking for my ghostwriting or content writing services. I know I’ll find the random object I’m looking for, such as Play-Doh, on the side of the street for free. In that place I feel curious what the future holds and I trust what’s meant for me will show up.
Tosha Silver writes in her book Outrageous Openness if you think of the Divine as your ultimate protection and your Source for everything, “Then the Universe can use anything it wishes to meet your needs. You’re no longer limited to what your conditioned mind thinks is possible.” She has countless stories of this happening in her life and in the lives of others. For instance, she found an apartment through a hairdresser and someone else found a literary agent by bowling them over in a yoga class. Fear leads us to believe we have to force things; we have to make them happen. Trust shows us we can relax and be shown the next steps on our path. In other words, trust shows us how to move differently.
I dream of a world where we relax and breathe. A world where we understand what’s ours is ours and will show up at the perfect time in the perfect way. A world where instead of moving from a place of fear, we move from a place of trust.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.