I’m just going to be honest. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been feeling sad and frustrated. I’ve been in the space of, “Where is blah di blah? Why isn’t it here yet? Why don’t I have it yet?” Then I want to slip into my fearful controlling place to “make” it happen. But that doesn’t work for me. It never has.
I think about when I was a freshman in college at UNC – 17 years old, depressed, feeling out of place, out of the house before I was ready, desperate for friends. Desperate. My brother is a social butterfly and he encouraged me to, “Just go up to people! Say hi! Make friends!” It didn’t work. It really didn’t work. I spent months going up to random people in the dining hall asking if I could sit with them. I had the same conversations over and over again: “Where are you from? What are you studying?” It was horrible. Really, really horrible. I walked around in a state of frenzy and desperation essentially asking, “Are you my friend? Are you my friend?” The answer was invariably, “No.”
I give kudos to my past self for being so brave and courageous. I put myself out there over and over again to basically get shot down repeatedly. I would meet someone, it would be awkward, we wouldn’t talk again. You know what finally happened? I relaxed. I let myself go with the flow and wouldn’t you know it? Friends! I relaxed into it and because I unclenched my energetic fist, I allowed the energy to flow, to move, and then of course it happened. I’m recognizing there is a cosmic flow to life and I am an energetic being. I recognize I get whatever I put out. If I think it’s hard to find friends it will be. If I think people don’t like me, they won’t. It reminds me of that saying, “When you smile the whole world smiles with you,” (which apparently is also a song!).
Have you ever noticed when you’re feeling great, like today will be a great day, often everything goes your way? But when you feel icky it’s just the opposite? I think it’s the same with feeling lack or lamenting what I want isn’t here yet. If I keep being reminded it isn’t here yet that’s the energy I’m putting out and then of course it won’t be here.
Really the best way I can explain what I’m feeling is to show this YouTube video of a talk by Abraham Hicks:
I love that. Everything I want has already been created and I just have to allow myself to be drawn in. Not make myself go there but allow it. Just like I did with friends. Allow it to happen naturally. Allow myself to rendezvous with people I am drawn to instead of forcing myself to go up to those I am not on the off chance we could be best friends.
Everything I want has already been created and the only thing keeping me from it is me. My fear, my lack of worthiness, my belief it can’t happen. But you know? I am a divine child of God so I deserve to rejoice in life and I deserve all the good things coming my way. Not because I won a Nobel Prize or cured cancer but because I am love incarnate. Because I am the blessed daughter of Parama Parusa/Cosmic Consciousness/Brahma/the Supreme/God/Infinite Love. So why not? Why can’t I have everything I want? You know what? I can.
I allow myself to have everything I want knowing it’s already been created. I know I deserve to rejoice in life, I deserve all the pleasures life has to offer. I know I am worthy and deserving of love and respect and abundance. So I say, “Yes please, thank you.”
I dream of a world where we all allow ourselves to get what it is we want. A world where we know all our needs and desires will be fulfilled with time. A world where we understand life is about flow and movement and that means letting ourselves be carried. A world where we let ourselves dream big and know those dreams will come true if we let them.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.