Being the Storm

I wrote this post in April 2019 after I was fired from a job that wouldn’t let me work from home two days a week, despite having a doctor’s note saying I needed that setup. Oh, the irony that a year later everyone was working from home. . .Despite different circumstances, this post is still relevant today. Enjoy.

You know how people say most of the things they’re afraid of never happen? The opposite is true for me – most of the things I’ve feared have happened. Not the fleeting, “I’m scared I’ll miss my flight” things, but the “I’m scared I’ll be broken into” things. The recurring fears, the ones that cause my stomach to roil and my chest to constrict.

I want to take a moment here to recognize my fears are those of a privileged white woman. I totally understand that other people lead tougher lives than I do, with fears greater than mine. I understand I have a relatively easy, cushy life. I’m not here to get into a competition about that. Rather, the point of this post is to talk about fear and resilience.

For much of my life, I’ve braced myself for terrible things. I’ve done my best to ward them off, but they happened anyway. And because they happened, I feel less afraid now. I no longer have to fear the worst because the worst has happened and I’ve lived to tell the tale. It also means I know how to take care of myself in challenging times. If I have to endure a hardship again, I will because I did before.

Researcher and storyteller Brené Brown writes about this character trait, resilience, in her book Rising Strong. She said, “While vulnerability is the birthplace of many of the fulfilling experiences we long for – love, belonging, joy, creativity, and trust, to name a few – the process of regaining our emotional footing in the midst of struggle is where our courage is tested and our values are forged. Rising strong after a fall is how we cultivate wholeheartedness in our lives; it’s the process that teaches us the most about who we are.”

Check and check. I used to think of myself as a scaredy cat. As someone sensitive and fragile. And I am, but at the same time, I’m also tough. I’m brave. I’m strong. I’m resilient. I pick myself up again and again. When life kicks me in the teeth, I collapse, I cry, but then I do the hard thing and move through it. I’ve already surmounted many obstacles in my life. And I know if I don’t currently have the tools to get through whatever is before me, I will hunt tirelessly to find the right ones. This ties into spirituality because the backbone is faith.

My spiritual teacher says over and over again if a person takes shelter in the Supreme, they need not be afraid of anything in this world. That the divine is “more courageous than the most courageous and braver than the bravest. Those who take shelter in [the divine] are therefore bound to acquire these qualities: courage, bravery, chivalry, and so on. Once endowed with such qualities, what is there to fear?”

I’m a human being, so I still fear many things, but I know the more I lean into the presence of my higher power, the better I feel. The more I surrender, the more I recognize everything is an expression of an infinite loving consciousness; the more relaxed I become, and also the more fearless. There’s a quote floating around about how the devil whispered in a warrior’s ear: “You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.” And then the warrior responded, “I am the storm.” That’s what it feels like right now. And if you’re going through a hard time, I hope you can muster up that same spirit.

I dream of a world where we recognize our resilience. A world where we understand we’re able to tackle all the challenges coming our way. A world where we become more and more fearless because we understand not only are we strong enough to withstand the storm, but that we are the storm.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.