Typically, when I want something, I want it with a fiery passion. I want it intensely, as if my insides are burning and the only way to cool the flames is to get what I want. However, I don’t have a magic wand so it’s very rare that I get what I want when I [...]
desire
This week I’ve seethed with envy multiple times. That’s nothing new and if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you know I semi-regularly feel envy, especially regarding my career. When I see someone who has what I want, I don’t view it as a sign that I, too, can achieve what they [...]
It doesn’t happen to me often that I’m up most of the night, wide awake, unable to sleep, but it’s happening as I write this in my journal. It seems only fitting for the topic of this post, dreams. The other day I pulled an oracle card and it was called “The Retriever.” The [...]
This post is a continuation of one I wrote a few weeks ago called “It won’t look the way we think,” because I’m finding what I think I want and what I actually want can sometimes be two different things. This happens to me at times when my life is about to undergo a major [...]
Today I was supposed to meet a friend of mine at 1 p.m. It didn’t happen. Everything took so much longer than I expected – my appointment, the bus, the walk. I sat fidgeting in my bus seat at 1:30 because, “Oh my god! I’m so late! He’s standing outside my apartment waiting for me!” [...]
“I need it. I have to have it. I want it, why can’t you give it to me?” That’s how I feel this week. An upwelling urge of “this must be in my life.” I feel like I’m pleading my case to God/the Universe/Brahma trying to make Him understand why it’s important for me to [...]
“I beg you…to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And [...]
Oftentimes I feel like what happens in my life is beyond my control. Getting a job, a boyfriend, an apartment, whatever, seems like it rests completely in God’s hands. I feel like all of it is outside of me and I’m at the mercy of someone else. What I’m inching toward is recognizing the power [...]
Right now I’m feeling some tightness in my heart because there are some things I want so badly. I’m comparing myself to other people and wanting what they have. Inherent in those feelings of jealousy and envy is the idea of “can’t.” Why can’t I go to Italy? What can’t I do X? Yesterday a [...]