If you've met me in person (or even if you haven't, actually) you know I'm like a frantic "little engine that could." I-think-I-can-I-think-I-can do any and all projects until my poor little engine starts short circuiting. So much so that even the hum of a refrigerator gets on my nerves.
Now that I'm in Arizona I've had to change my "I think I can" motto to, "I think I won't." It is so very hard to convince myself to do nothing. To rest. To relax. To lie on a pool flotation device and dabble my fingers in the water. I'd much rather be swimming laps or responding to e-mails or doing something productive. My little workaholic is horrified at the idea of spending an entire month lounging around and resting. What value is there in resting? What am I accomplishing by resting? There are no awards given for it. No gold stars, no praise.
I floated on one of these today.
I mention all this not to throw a pity party but because this is seriously imbalanced. Rest is just as important as work. (I have to admit a part of my brain just said, "Yeah right.") Without rest my body, my brain, my life all start to deteriorate. And I'm not just talking about getting eight hours a sleep each night. I mean taking time out to do nothing. Having a day where I don't leave the house and don't accomplish anything of merit.
When I rest it says, "I matter. I'm worth taking care of." When I throw myself into activity after activity it sends the message other people are more important than me. World issues are more important than me. But they're not. I'm not of use to anyone as I am right now — so dysfunctional I startle at every low, deep noise. So tired even after being awake for four hours I want a nap. I'm not blaming or chastising myself. This is the way it's been but I am making a conscious decision to change all that. I made a decision to put my health first the minute I said, "Sure, I'll housesit in Arizona."
There is value in doing nothing. There are three aspects to life: work, rest, and play. Neither should overpower any of the others because if they do life will become unmanageable. I'd rather not keep going down this road, thank you. Instead, I vow to do nothing.
I dream of a world where we all find balance between work, rest, and play. A world where we value each aspect equally. A world where we understand all elements work together. A world where we sometimes commit to doing nothing.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.
The title for this post comes from my dear friend Alok Joddha Hernandez. It really resonated with me because as I reflected on his comment, “Miracles happen outside of your comfort zone,” I realized he was right. All of the miraculous, wonderful things in my life have happened after I took a risk or did something that made me uncomfortable. The most obvious/biggest example is chronicled in my book, Just a Girl from Kansas but I’ve also found it to be true with smaller experiences.
I can say unequivocally this has been the worst year of my life. That’s not to say good things haven’t happened, because they have, but this has absolutely been the most trying year to date. I’ve always had a sensitivity to noise, which I’ve mitigated with earplugs and a white noise machine, but lately my sensitivity has developed into a full-blown disorder. I startle at loud noises. I jump when doors slam. I am so on edge you’d think I was about to pull off a diamond heist.
This picture makes me think of miracles.
I had no intention of ever doing something about my sensitivity until it developed into this huge challenge. And since it cropped up I’ve been trying my usual bag of tricks: acupuncture, affirmations, homeopathy, prayer, meditation, naturopathy, surrender, etc. If it worked for me before, I figured it would work again. Except it hasn’t. I posted a very emo facebook status the other day that asked, “When you’re desperate is that when the true healing begins?” Because people, I am desperate. I am so desperate I am willing to go outside my comfort zone.
A friend mentioned to me biofeedback and I’ve been reluctant to try it because I’m unfamiliar with it, I don’t have much money, and well, new things scare me. However, I found a place in Arizona (because I’ll be there for the month of October) and I e-mailed them, mentioning I don’t have insurance so how much would this cost me? (I should mention here in case those of you reading get concerned I have Healthy SF which is like insurance just for within the city of San Francisco so it doesn’t apply in places like Arizona.) The very next day the biofeedback place called me and said, “We’ll waive the initial $100 fee, plus we’ll charge you half price, and if it takes seven sessions we’ll only charge you for five.” Da-yum.
I can’t say for sure whether this is a miracle because I haven’t done the treatment yet, but it sure feels like the beginnings of one. And all because I stepped out of my comfort zone.
I dream of a world where we all experience miracles. A world where we push ourselves outside our comfort zones because we’re ready for something different. A world where we experience love in the form of a miracle and where we keep growing and keep allowing the miracles to happen.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
In truth, I think the final frontier is the mind but the final frontier in terms of the physical world is space, in my opinion. I planned to write about this last week because Neil Armstrong died but, well, other stuff happened instead.
Armstrong's death, which also closely coincides with the rover Curiosity landing on Mars, demonstrates so clearly to me another world is probable, quite literally. I mean, a man stood on the moon, and now we're looking at pictures from MARS. This is stuff my ancestors could only dream about. Or maybe they didn't even dream about it because it seemed so farfetched. I mean think about it, we're exploring space. We're looking for other planets with living beings and stuff. THAT IS SO COOL.
I am still quite tired this week because I'm startling awake at every little noise after the break in, but today I am simply amazed by technology and what we as humans can accomplish. Somebody walked on the moon and today we're able to look at pictures of another planet from the comfort of our homes. How cool is that?!?
It's very easy for me to become blasé about stuff like this, "Oh yeah, whatever, somebody landed on the moon. Blah, blah, blah," but it's really a big achievement. We are all capable of so much individually and collectively. We have the power within us to solve our world's problems and seeing stuff like Curiosity land on Mars proves that to me.
Sometimes I feel like a peon, a speck of dust within the universe, which is probably true, but it's also true that everyone alive today is living during a pivotal time. We're witnessing unusual things, expanding our horizons, and seeing science fiction become reality. And that's pretty cool.
I dream of a world where we continue to explore our horizons. A world where we keep striving forward and achieving great things. A world where we stand in awe of what has occurred and what has yet to occur. A world where we truly experience the final frontier.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.
Last week I opined that no storm lasts forever, what I didn’t count on is my storm ending so soon. On the first I gave notice and told my landlady I’m moving out September 15. I don’t know where I’m going for two weeks, but in October I’m heading to Arizona to housesit for a friend. What I noticed is August second I felt so much peace and contentment. Not because I’m moving out – although that too – but because I finally made a decision.
For weeks I’ve been wavering, sitting in limbo about what to do. “Should I move out on the first? Should I wait until I have a new place? Should I go to Arizona?” A stream of questions flowed through my brain and I didn’t know what direction to go in. That’s the agony for me, the indecision. At times I feel paralyzed about which path I should choose because I want to pick the “right” path. The path that will lead to my happiness or peace or whatever it is I’m craving exactly. I’m afraid if I choose the first option it will end up being a landmine and blow up in my face.
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| Which way to go? |
Does anyone like being in limbo? I highly doubt it. So once a decision has been made – even if it’s the “wrong” one – I feel better because at least I’m no longer scrutinizing every scenario in my head. At least I’m no longer obsessing about which way to go. I may not have picked the most optimal choice but once I’m off the fence, at least something is happening and I am able to deal with what’s next.
These days I strive for peace and serenity and making a decision leads to that. We are made to keep moving. Pausing goes against the natural order of the universe because if you’ll notice we either progress or we regress, there is no staying where we are. I think perhaps that’s why wavering kills me so much – it’s not a state I’m meant to be in for long. We are made to choose so at long last I have.
I choose to say “No” to unhealthy situations even if I don’t know what’s next, even if I don’t have a clear safety net, even if I’m nervous about what will happen. I choose to keep moving forward with my life and I choose to say “Yes” to growth, to love, to happiness, and making a decision. I may waver for a little while but I won’t waver for long, and that is something to celebrate.
I dream of a world where we all take clear, decisive action. A world where we keep moving forward because it brings us peace. A world where we say no when we mean no even if it seems scary at the time. A world where we feel held by love and light. A world where we no longer waver for long.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
So often I’ve heard “celebrities: they’re just like us,” but never quite believed it. In my mind there was always something “special” about a celebrity because they were famous and fame seems to be a very capricious thing – it’s not as if you go to school and can become a celebrity. This week I had the good fortune of spending time with two celebrities and have come to the conclusion I don’t know why some people become doctors either, but that doesn’t mean they’re more “special” than I am.
Years ago I would have regaled you with stories of hanging out with someone famous because I wanted to impress you. I wanted to show I was “important” because I knew a celebrity. Today, instead I find myself relating to those around me, understanding no one is that different, whether they’re famous or not. That I can do what they do, and in fact, I am.
Do you know how hard it is to find a stock photo of a fake celebrity signing autographs? Answer: very difficult. At least in this one the star is not so obvious.
So to back up a bit, I had the opportunity to be a part of an interview with Marianne Williamson. As in the woman who wrote, A Return to Love. As in the woman who I’ve quoted a jillion times in this blog. Yes. I have no idea how it happened but I am so glad it did. I have put this woman and others like her on a pedestal believing they were gifted with something I was not. Believing they must have been graced with something in order to do what they do. Meeting Marianne and seeing her speak showed me how false that is.
Don’t get me wrong, she is an amazing speaker and she obviously taps into divine consciousness in her talks but you know what? So does anyone who’s creative and has something to say. There’s nothing so very different about us. She’s a person just like I am. She gets spider bites and a dry throat and unruly hair. We are absolutely cut from the same cloth and that cloth is “human.”
What I also find interesting is “celebrity” is really about the beholder. On Tuesday I had dinner with Raymond Bagatsing, a Filipino actor I love. He said we wouldn’t be able to have the same experience in the Philippines because everybody would be looking at him and people would be mobbing the table. He didn’t say it to brag, nor to lament his life and his fans, he said it very matter-of-factly. Yet here in the States, nobody knows him from Adam. Obviously celebrity isn’t really about the person who’s famous, it’s about the people who are viewing them. It’s us that put people on pedestals. It’s us who think somebody is special and amazing. It’s us who turn that person into someone they’re most likely not. Because honestly, Raymond and Marianne are just doing their thing.
I dream of a world where we understand celebrities are just like us. A world where we realize no one is more special or less special than someone else. A world where understand people are people no matter what they’re doing, no matter what they’re wearing, no matter who they are. A world where each of us feel like the divine children we are because each of us is special and each of us has our own role to play.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I like to feel safe. I like to walk into a place and feel like I’m protected. I’ve had this idea I can fortify wherever I’m staying and that will be the end of it. Pray a heck of a lot I’ll never be harmed and that’s it. I’ve focused on preventing harm rather than determining what would happen if I ever was. It seemed a lot easier than having to assert myself. However, that means I’ve been discounting how powerful I am. I’ve been discrediting myself thinking I can’t handle certain situations and it’s best just to avoid them altogether.
The universe though, it will force you to face your demons because it’s tricky like that. Since August I’ve had a hell of a time sleeping. It’s been one damn thing after another – construction, new air ventilation systems, more noise, scaffolding outside my window – until finally on Wednesday I couldn’t take it anymore and I called an angel therapist I resonate with. (Yes, ok, angel therapy sounds like new age woo woo but if you think about it, angels have been around forever and wouldn’t you want to talk to them too?) She told me yes, the angels are trying to get me to move, but also my current location is about setting boundaries, which makes sense because even the location acts as a buffer from a sketchy neighborhood.
I had a huge breakthrough this week because I realized it’s not enough for me to avoid situations where I feel unsafe, to never put myself in a situation I find scary, because that presumes bad things are inevitable. That presumes because there’s scaffolding outside my apartment someone will break in and there’s absolutely nothing I can do it. It presumes that someone will try to harm me and them’s the breaks, just deal with it.
I’ve been operating out of a victim mentality and wasn’t even aware of it. I have a part to play in all of this and that part means saying yes or no. If someone climbs on the scaffolding, instead of letting it happen I can say, “Get the $@%# of my scaffolding!” If I’m in a situation where I’m uncomfortable I can speak up and say, “No.” I have a say in what happens in my life, not just the good stuff but the bad stuff too. Because the truth is I can’t prevent bad things from happening. I thought that I could, if I prayed enough, if I was careful enough, if I paid attention to my intuition enough, but the truth is there’s still the possibility of crappy things happening. My part is how I choose to respond. My part is letting the crappy stuff happen or stopping it in its tracks. These days I’m choosing to assert myself.
What’s funny is I used to think boundaries were a bad thing because, “We should all be free-flowing and loving, do away with boundaries so we can approach the unlimited potential of our being.” That may be the case but also boundaries turn us into receptacles for love. Boundaries also create containers. In this case they create a container for me. Boundaries give myself shape and allow me to take up space as a person. Boundaries are my way of showing up for my life and taking responsibility for what happens to me. Boundaries are a good thing.
I dream of a world where we all stand up for ourselves. A world where we set boundaries so we can allow love to pour into us. A world where we all feel safe no matter what because we recognize we have a part to play in what happens to us. A world where we respect each others’ boundaries and encourage people to assert themselves. A world where we love ourselves and each other.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his essay Civilization to: “Hitch your wagon to a star,” meaning, “Always aspire to do great things.” I’ve always aspired to do great things but somehow I always envisioned myself as the wagon and never the star. I always thought of myself in the supporting role. In some ways I think it’s a part of my nature – I’m a little shy, not that many people can tell – so I’d rather be in the background than claim the spotlight. It’s funny how the universe arranges things so outmoded thinking gets swept away because that old paradigm crumbled around me about a week and a half ago.
What I’m referring to is the dissolution of my spiritual art and entertainment business. My business partner and I decided to go our separate ways because we had different needs and expectations that didn’t allow for us to continue working together. It was really painful; there’s still an ache in my heart thinking about it, but I know it’s for the best. I had this idea I needed him, that I couldn’t be successful on my own. That somehow it was “safer” to be in business with someone else instead of alone. I also had the notion I don’t have enough big ideas to run a company. But the truth is, it only takes one good idea to create a business and I’m never really alone. There are many people who play supporting roles in my life; there are many places I can go to ask for help and support. I don’t have to have a business partner in order to be successful.
Mostly what I’m getting at is I don’t need to hitch my wagon to anyone else’s star because I am the star. I have enough ideas, fortitude, skills, etc. to do this. “This” being run a publishing company, market a book, or whatever. I am capable of so much more than I thought I was. Not just with this business, but with my life. I can do anything by the grace of God. I think fear often tells us we need someone else around. That somehow going it alone is dangerous or unwise. It could be something as small as going to a concert solo. The thoughts are usually along the lines of, “Maybe I won’t have a good time. Maybe people will judge me, maybe my car won’t start and I’ll be stuck, maybe it will be scary,” etc. How often are those things true though?
When I go to things by myself, I find I have a pretty good time. In fact, on Friday I went to the movies by myself! Not because I’m a loser with no friends, but because I impulsively decided to go and didn’t want to rustle up company. And you know what? It was lovely. I got to see what I wanted, sit where I wanted, and leave when I wanted. It was just what I needed! I’m a big believer in doing what you want whether you have company to join you or not. So now I’m doing it with bigger things, not just the movies. I no longer believe my success/failure/happiness/security is dependent on anyone else. I no longer believe it’s strictly necessary to have someone else by my side. Because today I live in the truth I am my own star.
I dream of a world where we know we can handle life on our own. A world where we know we can shine brightly by ourselves. Where we understand our success is contingent on us and not who we’re socializing with. A world where we know we are each worthy of a leading role. A world where we feel capable and confident of our own abilities because in truth, we are each our own stars.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
There are a lot of things I want to say today. There are many things I want to talk about, but out of respect for what happened 10 years ago today, instead all I can really say is how horrible. All I can really say is my heart goes out to all of those people who lost friends and family members on September 11. But not only that, my heart goes out to all people, in all countries who have been victims of violence. Anyone who has been made to suffer at the hands of someone else. This won’t be the popular stance, but I’m also praying for the terrorists. I’m praying they’ll come to understand we are all people. We all fundamentally want the same things: love, acceptance, safety. I’m praying that those people whose hearts have been closed off due to fear and hatred will get opened. That they’ll see the error of their ways. I’m praying that people will really get just how interconnected we are and how one act of violence affects all of us and only breeds more violence. I’m praying for peace, knowing peace starts with me. I’m praying that we recognize the good in the world.
Did you know Meetup.com started because of the terrorist attacks? Here’s a letter the CEO Scott Heiferman sent a few days ago:
“Let me tell you the Meetup story. I was living a couple miles from the Twin Towers, and I was the kind of person who thought local community doesn’t matter much if we’ve got the Internet and TV. The only time I thought about my neighbors was when I hoped they wouldn’t bother me.
When the towers fell, I found myself talking to more neighbors in the days after 9/11 than ever before. People said hello to neighbors (next-door and across the city) who they’d normally ignore. People were looking after each other, helping each other, and meeting up with each other. You know, being neighborly.
A lot of people were thinking that maybe 9/11 could bring people together in a lasting way. So the idea for Meetup was born: Could we use the Internet to get off the Internet — and grow local communities?
We didn’t know if it would work. Most people thought it was a crazy idea — especially because terrorism is designed to make people distrust one another.
A small team came together, and we launched Meetup nine months after 9/11.
Today, almost 10 years and 10 million Meetuppers later, it’s working. Every day, thousands of Meetups happen. Moms Meetups, Small Business Meetups, Fitness Meetups . . . a wild variety of 100,000 Meetup Groups with not much in common — except one thing.
Every Meetup starts with people simply saying hello to neighbors. And what often happens next is still amazing to me. They grow businesses and bands together, they teach and motivate each other, they babysit each other’s kids and find other ways to work together. They have fun and find solace together. They make friends and form powerful community. It’s powerful stuff.
It’s a wonderful revolution in local community, and it’s thanks to everyone who shows up.
Meetups aren’t about 9/11, but they may not be happening if it weren’t for 9/11.
9/11 didn’t make us too scared to go outside or talk to strangers. 9/11 didn’t rip us apart. No, we’re building new community together!!!!
The towers fell, but we rise up. And we’re just getting started with these Meetups.”
Because of things like this and more, I know another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I am inspired for a couple of reasons today and both of them revolve around the television show “Lost.” I know, I know I’m one of the last people on Earth to see the television show, but wow! It’s amazing! (Also please note I’m finishing up season three so no spoilers please!)
Firstly, I’m inspired because this show even exists and not only that, it’s crazy popular. It lasted for six seasons and when it was on the air I heard people talking about it/referencing it all the time. I just didn’t watch the show myself. So often people (myself included) trash television as being filled with crap. Most people accuse television of being mindless drivel, so the fact this gem of a show filled with spiritual concepts was on the air is so inspirational to me. It addresses so many issues such as the relativity of good and evil, redemption, serving others, and sacrifice. The last issue is the one I want to address today.
So often “sacrifice” is a dirty word. No one wants to do it. “Sacrifice something for the greater good? Uh, no thanks, ask someone else please.” Wrapping up season three of “Lost” I’m just so inspired. I’ve heard before “sacrifice for the greater good,” but I didn’t really know what it meant. Er, sure, sounds great, but what does that mean? It means sometimes it’s necessary to end one life in order to save others. Tonight I really understood the importance of what soldiers do. Before the issue for me was always, “Why are we fighting a war in the first place?” with little appreciation for the sacrifice other people are going through for my sake. Tonight it occurred to me sacrifice is one of the highest forms of love. To give of yourself in order to serve others? Wow! How noble!
Watching “Lost” is opening my eyes to just how beautiful sacrifice is. I also associate sacrifice with something other people do. It’s the realm of soldiers, of parents, but not of me. Parents sacrifice for their kids by making them dinner even when they’re tired. By choosing to spend money on their children instead of themselves. By staying somewhere just because the schools are good. I always figured I would pay back the sacrifices others have made for me when I became a parent, but I’m seeing now that’s living in the future, something I don’t want to do. Ultimately, sacrifice means undergoing hardship for the sake of others. I sacrifice when I give up my seat on the bus even though I’m dead tired or when I donate money to charity even though I’m struggling financially. And I want to sacrifice because it’s the highest expression of love.
Sacrifice means, “I love you so much I’m willing to undergo hardship for you.” It’s a way of saying, “In this moment I’m placing your needs before my own.” That is true love right there. And that’s why I choose to sacrifice, because I love the cosmic consciousness and I want to serve the cosmic consciousness that is expressed in human form. I love the people in my life so I’m willing to suffer a little bit for their benefit. I also know it’s important for me to practice balance with sacrifice just as with other things. Too much sacrifice means I’m not honoring myself or letting other people express their love for me. And love is the most magical, beautiful, precious gift we can ever give one another.
I dream of a world where we all understand the beauty of sacrifice. A world where we’re willing to undergo hardship for the benefit of others. A world where we express our love for each other by giving of ourselves. A world where we show other people just how important they are to us.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
The universe is just so funny sometimes. I obviously love Marianne Williamson — I’ve referenced A Return to Love numerous times, as recently as last Sunday. Well get this. A PR lady e-mailed me out of the blue to notify me as part of the “Fairness Campaign Speaker Summit” Marianne Williamson will be speaking Monday August 8 at 4pm PT/ 7pm ET. And it’s totally free! (I have to say there are other AMAZING speakers as part of the summit, which goes through the 14th. I highly encourage you to check it out.) The link is http://masterful.net/thebond. I LOVE that they’re doing this summit because it’s combining some of the most popular and influential people like Marianne Williamson, Rev. Michael Beckwith (who I’ve also blogged about), and Jack Canfield to encourage us to bring a better world into being. To remind us we — you and I — really can make a difference.
As an extra incentive I’ll be giving away a copy of Author, Healer and Fairness Campaign Producer Jennifer McLean’s BIG BOOK OF YOU (currently sold out on Amazon.com)! Just leave a comment and I’ll randomly select a winner. Enjoy!
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