I am sad and angry and pissed off. Mostly I feel cheated and lied to. I feel cheated and lied to because people have said, â€œJust do x, y, and z and then youâ€™ll get what you want.â€ So then for years and years and years I worked on doing x, y, and z and now? I still donâ€™t have what I want. I feel like a whiny baby for even talking about this but I think thereâ€™s an important lesson to all of it: other people are not privy to the details of my path. They just arenâ€™t.
Other people donâ€™t know. They know what works for them, what they did, but they donâ€™t know what will work for me. No one can say to me, â€œRebekah just do this,â€ because you know what? I did. I did all of it. Every single last thing. And now that I look around, now that Iâ€™m at the edge of the cliff what I want still isnâ€™t in front of me. And Iâ€™m sad and upset and frustrated because, â€œYou promised! You said if I did x, y, and z I would get what I wanted! But I havenâ€™t!â€ And also thereâ€™s nothing left to try. Crap. Now what?
Bye bye control, thatâ€™s for sure. Bye bye micromanaging and thinking I can control the outcomes of my life. Bye bye thinking other people can tell me what to do. Bye bye all illusions. Hello higher power/God/Brahma/Parama Parusa, itâ€™s just you and me now. I know youâ€™ve been waiting on me for a while but I had to try it my way first. I didnâ€™t believe you could or would handle things. I thought I had to take care of it myself. Now I know differently. There ainâ€™t nothing left to do but give it to you. So here you go. You take care of things for a while. Me trying to control the outcomes of my life only drives me nuts.
And while youâ€™re taking care of things for me Iâ€™ll walk over into gratitude and appreciation because I want to feel good. I want to enjoy what I have. I want to live in joy and love and happiness. I want to remember the good things in my world and all that I have, knowing everything else will take care of itself. This is me showing up and turning it over. I donâ€™t know that anyone else will even benefit from reading this except maybe it will inspire you to let your higher power handle it too. Whatever â€œitâ€ is.
I dream of a world where we remember we are all on our own paths. A world where we recognize other people only know whatâ€™s best for them. A world where we trust in a power greater than ourselves and let the future take care of itself. A world where we instead live in the moment, joyous and free, taking things as they come one day at a time.
Another world is not only possible, itâ€™s probable.