For the past week I've had the experience God (or whatever) is doing for me what I can't do for myself. I signed up for a motorcycle safety and training course to learn how to properly operate a scooter. The driving portion lasts for two full days — you drive around for five hours in a parking lot learning how to swerve, brake quickly, etc. As I've mentioned, I'm still recuperating healthwise. I physically cannot handle as much as I once could. Last Saturday, the first day of the course, I was physically wrecked from all the stress ("Would I make it on time? Would I crash? Would I like it?). My adrenals were pulsating, my body was shaking, and I had no idea how I would handle another full day of riding.
This is what I mean by a scooter. Can’t you see me riding around on one of these?
So the next day, Sunday, I trudged to the BART station, ready to push through my exhaustion even though what I really wanted to do was rest. God, however, did for me what I couldn't do for myself. The train was delayed and then it went out service meaning there was no way I could make it to my course on time. Because it's a course that builds on itself, we are not allowed to be late. I called the site manager and he said I could ride standby the next Sunday, and because the delay was not my fault, they wouldn't charge me anything. Huzzah! My needs getting taken care of!
The rest of the week continued in much the same way: yesterday my friend picked up my luggage for me in her car so I wouldn't have to transport it myself, and today I was also able to rest. When I went to the motorcycle course to ride standby today, I didn't make it in because everyone who signed up for the course showed up, meaning I have to try again next week. At first I was upset about this, but as the day progressed I realized it was a blessing because I'm thoroughly exhausted from wandering around like a gypsy without a caravan. In the past three nights I've slept in three different places, so you know, I'm not exactly sitting still.
It's important for me to hold onto the idea God is doing for me what I can't do for myself because I'm operating on big-time faith right now. I'm a gypsy without a caravan because I still haven't found a place to rent, much less sublet. It's not as if I'm not trying — because I am, I'm practically living on Craigslist — but it's a two-way street. People have to get back to me; there has to be some reciprocity. I have to trust the universe knows what I need and want. Knows how to take care of me, and that my needs will continue to be provided for.
This is a lesson I have to take with me as I move forward in life because reaching for my dreams requires a whole lot of faith. Not settling for anything means I have to live with some uncertainty. In order to achieve the life I've always wanted I have to imbibe the lesson that God is doing for me what I can't do for myself and that all of my needs will always be met. I believe it's Gabrielle Bernstein who says, "If you expect miracles you will receive them." I'm ready for my miracle.
I dream of a world where we realize sometimes the universe does for us what we can't do for ourselves. A world where we know all of our needs will always be met even if at first it doesn't seem that way. A world where we trust in divine guidance. A world where we expect miracles and then receive them.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.