The other week I had a conversation with a friend who told me instead of following conventional wisdom and keeping his part-time job to pay the bills, he devoted himself completely to his own business and went into debt. And now, years later, his business is taking off and turning a profit. I love stories like this because they remind me there isn’t only one way to do things.
Our society likes to give advice – we spend millions of dollars on self-help books every year. We constantly think someone else knows how to do things. We hear people say things like, “It’s when you stop looking for a relationship that you find one,” and absorb it like the gospel truth. Except, for every couple who had that experience, I can name another pair who married because they met through a dating app. They were actively looking and it worked out.
Sometimes we have to forge our own way. Photo by Nathan McBride on Unsplash.
As for myself, it’s scary and thrilling to contemplate there’s more than one way to do things. It’s scary and thrilling for me to contemplate that sometimes conventional wisdom is wrong. It feels much safer to purchase an e-course for four easy payments of $99.99 that will give me the steps to success. A guarantee that I, too, can have the life of my dreams if I only follow the advice of someone else. I want to acknowledge here self-help books and e-courses have merit. I’ve purchased many of them and they improved my life, but only the books and courses that encouraged me to seek my own internal wisdom. The books and courses that led me deeper into myself were the most helpful because ultimately we are each our own compass.
According to my spiritual philosophy, we are each a reflection of Cosmic Consciousness. We are all mirrors showing an image of the same moon, so to speak. However, each mirror is unique with different shapes and sizes. Some mirrors are dirtier than others. Some mirrors are cracked. But each mirror is still reflecting the moon. And when I think about my mirror reflecting the moon, I feel more at peace because the inner compass exists. I have a guide already to show me where I need to go.
Last week I spoke about trusting in the divine and understanding the universe may only light up one or two steps in front of me. But the path is there, and sometimes the path requires I deviate from the established footsteps of those before me. Sometimes it means heading into uncharted territory but that doesn’t mean I’m without a guide.
I dream of a world where we remember we have our own internal guidance system. A world where we realize sometimes we have to find our own way and it may not always make sense. A world where we understand we are all different and what works for someone else may not work for us. A world where we understand sometimes we have to flout conventional wisdom.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
A few years ago I went to a neuro-linguistic programming workshop and the organizer said desire works in one of two ways: push or pull. We either say, “Yes, that” about something, or “No, not this.” What I’m realizing is intuition works in the same way.
I’m familiar with the “yes, that” intuition – it drove me to move to San Francisco, to call that person last week, to read that book. I know how to handle “yes, that” intuition. “No, not this” is more challenging. I don’t mean the one-off, “Don’t go down that dark alley” sort. That’s easy to listen to. What I find more difficult is the sort of intuition that says, “You can’t live here” and there’s no other home showing up. Or the intuition that says, “You can’t work here” but another job is not on the horizon. It’s the directionless, leap-of-faith intuition that unnerves me.
I associate light with the divine. Photo by Micah Hallahan on Unsplash.
My spiritual teacher defines intuition as a reflection of Consciousness, or Spirit. He also says that meditation leads to a clearer reflection of Consciousness. When I think about it like that, intuition becomes more simple. It’s a snapshot in time. It’s an expression of something greater than me, not a seven-point plan for life.
Something I often tell my mentees is higher power will shine a flashlight, dictating where to put our feet next, and that’s it. I want higher power to light up the sky and show me all the steps, give me all the directions, indicate exactly where I’m heading, but it doesn’t always work that way. In my experience, the way forward is often unknown and my part is to trust the path will appear. Even when it’s scary, even when it doesn’t make sense, even when it flies in the face of conventional wisdom.
It’s interesting for me to notice when I play trust games with people I have no problems. I will close my eyes and allow myself to walk forward blindly, knowing the people I’m playing with will keep me from running into trees or stumbling over rocks. However, when it comes to trusting the divine, I don’t feel quite so fearless. I’d much rather keep my eyes open and see where I’m going.
The conclusion I’m coming to is at this point in my life my eyes must stay closed. I’m getting the full, well-rounded picture of intuition, trusting the future will be exactly what I need. Trusting that even though I can’t see what’s next, the divine can and is taking care of it.
I dream of a world where we recognize intuition doesn’t always guide us to something, that sometimes it steers us away from something. A world where we realize we can’t always know exactly what’s next. A world where we remember taking a leap of faith means trusting in the divine and we do just that.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I read an article in my university’s alumni magazine the other day about Andre Ingram, who at 32 became a rookie for the LA Lakers. Reading his story I teared up because the whole thing seems so surreal, so unlikely.
Since he was 8, Andre dreamed of playing for the NBA. He played in high school and then at our university. Once he graduated, he toiled for years in the NBA’s minor league. And I do mean toiled – he made $13,000 for the entire season in the minor leagues, which is less than what NBA players make for a couple of games. He tutored kids in math while his wife also worked. He says he thought about quitting several times, and some friends advised the same, or to find a better payday overseas. But he persisted.
This picture seemed appropriate. Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash
“Every time I was ready to jump off that ledge something pulled me back,” he said. “Whether it was in training, when I’m hitting every shot I take, or in the weight room getting encouraged by the guys. My story is to let that voice, let that encouragement, pull you back in.”
Andre is the oldest American rookie in the NBA since 1964. His story fascinates me because at what point does a person give up on their dream? Sometimes a dream is a delusion. We’ve all seen those auditions on TV where someone thinks they’re an amazing singer or dancer and they have zero talent. To the rest of the world, it’s obvious the person will never be a star, but they can’t believe it. At what point is it harmful to keep believing a dream? At what point is it better to let it go? I don’t have the answers to those questions. I’m sure many people told Andre it was unlikely he’d ever play in the NBA. A 32-year-old with gray hairs competing against people 10 years his junior? What are the odds he could share the court with them? But it happened.
What struck me the most about Andre’s story is that quote I shared about how something kept pulling him back. Every time he wanted to quit, something kept him from doing it. That to me reeks of intuition, which my spiritual teacher defines as a reflection of consciousness or spirit. Just like a mirror, the reflection can become cloudy, but the more we connect to consciousness or spirit, the clearer the reflection will be.
Again, I don’t have all the answers, but it seems to me if something keeps coming up over and over again, it’s likely intuition. But if I get an idea in my head and convince myself it’s true despite all evidence to the contrary, it’s likely delusion. It seems to me there’s a fine line between a dream and a delusion. Perhaps the joy of being human is figuring it out. Sometimes we’re disappointed but sometimes we’re ecstatic. The thrill is finding out which we’ll experience.
I dream of a world where we walk the fine line between pursuing our dreams and dropping our delusions. A world where we keep going when something reels us back in. A world where we understand something may seem out of reach, but that doesn’t always mean it is.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
One of the things I’m working on in therapy is self-trust. It’s particularly hard because I point to all the times I acted on my intuition and things didn’t work out the way I thought they would, as evidence why I shouldn’t trust myself. All of this is made more complicated by the fact I have a predilection toward delusion. How am I supposed to trust myself when what I think is intuition could be delusion?
Just so we’re clear, I looked up delusion in the dictionary and it says, “an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument.” I know this state well. I think of it as my fear place. When I’m tired, I am especially delusional. Just the other day, I was convinced someone broke into my neighbor’s apartment because I heard noise next door but her car wasn’t in her parking space. Nevermind that she could have lent her car to a friend. It took all of my powers of rationality to remind myself thieves don’t have a tendency to stick around, nor do they turn on the television or radio. It turns out of course she was there.
Intuition and delusion can both be murky, kind of like walking through fog.
Delusion is not always related to my fears, although usually it is. There was also the time I became certain this guy and I would end up together, corroborated by signs from the universe, and then we didn’t. How am I supposed to trust myself after that? How am I supposed to keep following my intuition when it could be wrong?
In one of my favorite posts, “Logic versus Intuition,” I quote my spiritual teacher who defines intuition as a reflection of Consciousness, or Spirit. He also says that meditation leads to a clearer reflection of Consciousness. He plainly states one of human beings’ highest treasures is their intellectuality. I take that to mean anytime I have an intuitive thought, I need to measure it with my intellect. Sometimes intuition doesn’t make sense though, like when a person is guided to take a different route home and it turns out they missed an explosion or something. If I’m being honest, I know when those thoughts are intuitive because for one, they come out of the blue. When something is out of left field, it’s quite likely Spirit communicating with us. For two, those messages feel different to me. They are strong and warm and feel like receiving a telephone call from my beloved.
The other thing I have to remind myself is life is tailor-made for us. That means all the lessons we learn, all the things we experience, are specifically for us. My higher power is the best sort of teacher, one who knows exactly how I learn. That means learning things the hard way sometimes. Like falling in love with a guy only to have to it end disastrously, which makes me realize I had a love addiction. I thought the point of the relationship was for us to be together forever. The real point of the relationship was to put me into recovery. I’m constantly looking toward the end goal but higher power is looking toward the lesson. That means my intuition will guide me toward some crappy things sometimes so that I may learn.
I’d also like to mention sometimes I’ll read more into an intuitive thought than what is there. I may think my intuition is saying, “This is the person you’ll marry,” when in fact all my intuition is saying is, “This is the person for you to be with right now.”
I dream of a world where we understand even when intuition leads us to a place we don’t enjoy, it’s still intuition. A world where we trust ourselves even if things don’t turn out how we thought they would. A world where we continue to apply our rational brains instead of getting swept away by what could be a delusion.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I am obsessed with “the truth.” Maybe it’s a hallmark of being a journalist, but I’m constantly searching for “the Truth” with a capital T. When people throw out platitudes like “the truth is relative,” and “everybody has their own truth,” I’m unsatisfied because why? Why is the truth relative? Why does everyone have their own truth?
Last week, I wrote about logic versus intuition, and defined intuition as a reflection of consciousness. I also said perhaps the reason why intuition can be wrong is that the reflection isn’t clear and maybe it’s like smudges on a mirror.
Being outside in nature also calms the mind down and allows for intuition to come through.
This week I did some more investigation because I wasn’t fully satisfied with that answer. My spiritual teacher says there are “layers of the mind” and this affects the different ways in which humans operate. One layer is responsible for satisfying what we sense through the body. So, for instance, if I’m cold and reach for a blanket, that’s one layer of the mind. Another layer of the mind deals with conscious thought like problem-solving and intellectual reasoning.
The layer I’m interested in at the moment is the layer where intuition comes in. My teacher uses a Sanskrit word that I am sure to mispronounce, but the English translation is “supramental” or “higher mind.” This is the layer responsible for scientific discoveries and creative insight. When the lower levels of the mind are quiet, the higher mind comes through. This is what Michelangelo is referring to when he likened the creative process to “a seizure of the soul” or when Albert Einstein said in reference to discovering relativity, “There is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition.”
So what happens after the message gets delivered, if you will? When a person gets an intuitive hit, it still has to filter through their mind and sift through biases and experiences, aka, the smudges on a mirror. That explains why the truth is relative – because each person has their own experiences and biases the intuitive message is coming through. For each person, the reflection of consciousness looks a little bit different.
That means there is an absolute truth, but I am not able to access it because my mirror is too dirty. The quickest way to clean the mirror, according to my teacher, is to meditate because meditation silences the lower layers of the mind and allows a person to access the higher ones. If you can believe it, the layer where intuition lives is not the highest layer of the mind! The higher layers are ones where duality ceases to exist and a person sees everything as an expression of Spirit. But that is perhaps another post for another time.
I dream of a world where we all quiet our minds and allow something greater than us to come through. A world where we understand that behind the relative truth is an absolute truth that maybe we can’t quite see. A world where we each seek to know that absolute truth and arrive at those higher layers.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been thinking a lot this week about logic and intuition. I notice that for the most part people seem to advocate one or the other.
On the logic side, science and rationality are worshipped. Some people disregard anything that cannot be proved scientifically. If there’s no randomized controlled trial, the thing is full of crap. This is why people say homeopathics are snake oil, despite the loads of anecdotal evidence that say otherwise. Maybe what’s happening is our scientific instruments aren’t sensitive enough yet to measure homeopathics.
I like this picture because it represents division, but at the same time unison.
Also, the thing about randomized controlled trials is they’re imperfect and there is often conflicting evidence. In radiology, for instance, a subject I am very familiar with as writing about CT scans, MRIs, and ultrasounds is my primary source of income, there’s a huge debate about breast cancer screening. A study from Canada recently stated breast cancer screening causes more harm than good. The researchers argue breast cancer screening leads to overdiagnosis, or diagnosing tumors as cancerous that may not become problematic. In other words, diagnosing cancer too much.
On the other hand, there are also randomized controlled trials stating the opposite, that breast cancer screening causes early diagnosis, i.e., catching a cancer early, and not overdiagnosis. Advocates vehemently argue the true harm to women is from these scientific studies that scare women into believing they don’t need their regular mammograms. Who is right?
For those who eschew science and rationality, there’s a belief in the infallibility of intuition, that intuition is always right. Except, that’s not always true and not everybody’s intuition is equally valid. How many times have we watched a contestant on The Bachelor declare they know they’ll receive the final rose? That “their gut” tells them they’ve found the love of their life and then the person ends up being wrong? Clearly there’s something going on here.
My spiritual teacher defines intuition as a reflection of Consciousness, or Spirit. He also says that meditation leads to a clearer reflection of Consciousness. In that context, it makes sense why people can be off when they say they’re using their intuition; either the person is really tapping into their ego, or their reflection to Consciousness isn’t clear. Perhaps it’s like a mirror and some people have smudges all over it so they can see some of the reflection but not all of it.
I have a tendency to completely accept something a person says if they say it came from their intuition, especially if it can’t be scientifically proved. However, people, me included, are wrong sometimes! I have a brain so I need to use it!
My spiritual teacher also says:
The highest treasure of human beings, distinct from other creatures, is their intellectual superiority. Had there been no intelligence in humans, they would hardly be different from other animals. This philosophical consciousness will lead humanity to greater intellectuality. And this constant pursuit of intellectuality leads one to its furthest limit, where intuition begins. – Shrii Shrii Anandamurtii
Intuition is valued, of course, but so is intellect. Maybe it’s time I start using both logic and intuition. Maybe we all need that integration.
I dream of a world where we don’t accept something as true just because someone said they had a feeling about it. And at the same time, I dream of a world where we understand some things are beyond logic, some things don’t make sense and they may never will. A world that’s not logic versus intuition, but a world that relies on logic and intuition.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This post isn’t really about the “nose” knowing so much as the body knowing something the brain does not.
I have moved more times than years I’ve been alive. Not all of my moves have been major – sometimes it was a matter of moving from one furnished sublet to another – but needless to say, I’ve lived in a LOT of places. Given my history, I think it’s understandable why I’m hesitant to jump into new housing situations. Primarily, I’m scared of making a mistake, of putting myself in a worse position than previously. I’m scared of the unknown, of the “what ifs,” of the things I can’t possibly know yet.
The nose knows! Especially Groucho Marx’s.
When I said “yes” to the place I’m moving into at the end of the month, it wasn’t an impulsive decision. I talked it over, thought it over, made a pro/con list. I felt paralyzed with indecision due to fear. “Would this place be worse? Will it be something I regret? Would it have been better to stay put?”
What helped me to make the decision with more peace of mind was paying attention to my body. I took my mind out of the equation and put my complete attention on the sensations in my body. When I thought about moving into my new place, I felt warm, at peace, relieved. There was some slight anxiety in my upper back, but for the most part, I felt great about the decision. When I thought about continuing to look for a place, I tensed up, my stomach clenched, I felt terrible about the decision, so obviously my body was saying, “Move. Move. Moooooooove.”
I realize not everyone has moved as often as I have, but I’d wager that we’ve all experienced indecision. That our minds have become like hamster wheels we’ve been unable to leave. Reason and logic do not work for me in these instances. I have to bypass my brain and go straight to my body and get in touch with the wisdom there. I do not know everything and I cannot know everything, but my body can give me more information. Thank goodness because otherwise I might still be looking for my “perfect” place to live.
I dream of a world where we get in touch with our bodies and examine the sensations we’re experiencing. A world where we understand our bodies may provide us with a wisdom that our brains cannot. A world where we realize the nose knows.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I know the title “Convincing means the opposite” doesn’t make much sense, but bear with me. Last week, I talked about being triggered due to seeing my neighbor’s door ajar and not knowing whether she was broken into. Well, she was. What’s interesting is I worked so hard to convince myself why she couldn’t have been broken into, why it wouldn’t make sense. I called up other people and had them convince me why it didn’t make sense either. I needed constant convincing because I didn’t believe it!
Convincing has become a good barometer for me now, as in, if I have to work hard to convince myself something is true, it’s probably not, and vice versa. This is a valuable lesson for me right now because I’m looking for a new place to live and I have convinced myself in the past to move into a place with disastrous consequences.
I’d like us to use our intuition more. To have it be a lantern lighting our way. This gorgeous image is by Leah Piken Kolidas from CreativeEveryDay.com.
A few years ago I found an attic in-law apartment and I didn’t particularly like it. My description was, “It’s funky.” When it came to sign the lease I started to feel a bit panicky, I didn’t want to be locked into a year commitment. Obviously I knew something was off, but I talked myself into it saying, “Well, it’s in your price range, near public transportation, and the space is suitable for your needs. What more could you ask for?” It turns out what I bargained for was a yippy dog that bit me and drew blood, neighbors that played really loud music beneath me all the time, and a landlady that couldn’t care less about me. Not to mention the inability to do laundry at her residence.
I don’t regret my decision, not really, because it spurred me to live in Tucson for a month and then return to Washington, D.C., two things I’m grateful I was able to do and thoroughly enjoyed. However, convincing myself to move into a place that wasn’t right caused me a lot of angst and it’s only through grace that the lease was month-to-month and that I was able to have such a sweet experience afterward.
I guess I’m saying we need to give ourselves more credit. We know when something is right and when it’s not. And if we have to convince ourselves one way or another, to me, that’s a great indicator we’re doing ourselves a disservice. Whether it’s talking myself into buying a pair of jeans or signing a lease, I would do better to say yes only if I can say yes easily.
I dream of a world where we realize convincing means something is not right. A world where we listen to our inner guidance. A world where we realize we know more than we think we do. A world where we don’t let our rational minds overpower us. A world where we understand we already have all the answers that we seek and it’s a matter of getting quiet to listen.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
A consequence of my current health condition is I get caught up in my fears a LOT. Not only do I contemplate things that I’m afraid of — break ins, dying in a car accident, the emergency parking brake failing — but I become CONVINCED they are all going to happen. My mind latches onto a fear and won’t shake it. If I could give one piece of advice to someone, it’s don’t burn out your adrenal glands, dealing with the repercussions is hell.
On Friday, I drove up to Bellingham to see a friend of mine. I have a slight phobia of driving, which means spending an hour and a half in the car with heavyish traffic is not my idea of fun. When I am stressed, my fears rocket out of control, so for instance, I spent a good chunk of time worrying my car would barrel through the garage door even though I set the emergency parking brake. (It didn’t.)
Bunnies, or rabbits, are a reminder in shamanism to not be afraid of everything and instead listen to your intuition.
However, I also had an interesting experience on my drive that has helped me pay less attention to my fears. My intuition was on high alert, which means every time a car was about to signal and change into my lane, I knew it in advance. I had a premonition of every event before it happened — lane changes, rest areas, everything. I got to thinking about all the other times in my life when I had an intuitive hit something would happen, which made me realize for every event I didn’t enjoy, I was forewarned.
Every break in, every accident, every layoff, every huge life event, I knew about it in advance. When that realization sunk in, I understood I don’t need to worry about all these potentialities, all these psychodramas because for the real dramas, the universe gives me a heads up. I used to wonder if by thinking about them — break ins, car accidents, etc. — I was practicing the law of attraction and drawing these things to me. I wondered if I was manifesting these awful events and therefore blamed myself for their occurrence. Now I understand that’s a lot of self-centered phooey and instead realize I was getting a warning. I am cradled in the lap of the universe. I am so loved, connected, and blessed that God/Brahma/the Cosmic Consciousness/my inner guide lets me know about terrible events in advance so I can prepare myself and perhaps change the outcome slightly, or at least soften the blow.
Understanding I’m given a heads up, I can disregard my errant fears as they arise because unless they carry the weight of intuition behind them, all they are is F.E.A.R. (false evidence appearing real). I can get in touch with my intuitive side, I can check in and determine whether my fear is legitimate or whether it’s my brain making up stories. And I can let go of it all recognizing that even in the worst moments, I am cradled by love.
I dream of a world where we get in touch with our intuition. A world where we listen to the voice that’s within us. A world where we know that even at the worst of times we are still guided, loved, and protected. A world where we let go of what ails us because we understand we are all cradled by love.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For the past week I've had the experience God (or whatever) is doing for me what I can't do for myself. I signed up for a motorcycle safety and training course to learn how to properly operate a scooter. The driving portion lasts for two full days — you drive around for five hours in a parking lot learning how to swerve, brake quickly, etc. As I've mentioned, I'm still recuperating healthwise. I physically cannot handle as much as I once could. Last Saturday, the first day of the course, I was physically wrecked from all the stress ("Would I make it on time? Would I crash? Would I like it?). My adrenals were pulsating, my body was shaking, and I had no idea how I would handle another full day of riding.
This is what I mean by a scooter. Can’t you see me riding around on one of these?
So the next day, Sunday, I trudged to the BART station, ready to push through my exhaustion even though what I really wanted to do was rest. God, however, did for me what I couldn't do for myself. The train was delayed and then it went out service meaning there was no way I could make it to my course on time. Because it's a course that builds on itself, we are not allowed to be late. I called the site manager and he said I could ride standby the next Sunday, and because the delay was not my fault, they wouldn't charge me anything. Huzzah! My needs getting taken care of!
The rest of the week continued in much the same way: yesterday my friend picked up my luggage for me in her car so I wouldn't have to transport it myself, and today I was also able to rest. When I went to the motorcycle course to ride standby today, I didn't make it in because everyone who signed up for the course showed up, meaning I have to try again next week. At first I was upset about this, but as the day progressed I realized it was a blessing because I'm thoroughly exhausted from wandering around like a gypsy without a caravan. In the past three nights I've slept in three different places, so you know, I'm not exactly sitting still.
It's important for me to hold onto the idea God is doing for me what I can't do for myself because I'm operating on big-time faith right now. I'm a gypsy without a caravan because I still haven't found a place to rent, much less sublet. It's not as if I'm not trying — because I am, I'm practically living on Craigslist — but it's a two-way street. People have to get back to me; there has to be some reciprocity. I have to trust the universe knows what I need and want. Knows how to take care of me, and that my needs will continue to be provided for.
This is a lesson I have to take with me as I move forward in life because reaching for my dreams requires a whole lot of faith. Not settling for anything means I have to live with some uncertainty. In order to achieve the life I've always wanted I have to imbibe the lesson that God is doing for me what I can't do for myself and that all of my needs will always be met. I believe it's Gabrielle Bernstein who says, "If you expect miracles you will receive them." I'm ready for my miracle.
I dream of a world where we realize sometimes the universe does for us what we can't do for ourselves. A world where we know all of our needs will always be met even if at first it doesn't seem that way. A world where we trust in divine guidance. A world where we expect miracles and then receive them.
Another world is not only possible, it's probable.