I’ve been dancing around this topic for the past two years (probably longer), but on Wednesday night I finally understood on a very deep level how much my higher power mitigates disaster.
I’ve already talked about how I’m a big scaredy cat, how I worry a lot and try to anticipate danger. You could say I’m hypervigilant. In my mind, if I worry long enough I’ll prevent something from happening, or be able to handle it once it does because I’ve thought about it so freaking much. I’m ready to let that go.
So. Wednesday night. My neighbor decided it was a brilliant time to get drunk and high and talk REALLY LOUDLY with another neighbor while outside. Because after midnight on a weekday is a perfect time to act belligerent, right? The really funny, magical thing is this week I was already zonked and asked my bosses for Thursday off. How crazy that the night my neighbor decides to be loud is also the night I don’t have to worry about when I go to sleep because I don’t have work the next day?
It was as if higher power was saying to me, “Look, stuff happens. People can be inconsiderate, but I will create circumstances so you’re always taken care of. I will make sure your needs are met.” When I look back on my life for the last three years, I see that thread consistently. I see that higher power couldn’t change the behavior of my neighbors, so taking care of me meant moving several times, meant going to Tucson, meant going back to D.C., meant a million little things that all add up to making sure I was always OK.
In the past, I think I’ve been a little blinded, a little immature, a little controlling because I wanted the world to bend to my whims. I wanted my upstairs neighbor to never play loud music ever, I wanted my downstairs neighbor to be nicer and for her dog to stop barking, I wanted the world to be the way I wanted without realizing that’s not possible. What is possible is arranging circumstances so I don’t have work the next morning, or will stay somewhere else when my cottage has plumbing issues, or will be out of the house when someone breaks in.
God/brahma/higher power/the universe/source/spirit is infinite and creative. I can let go of how I want things to be, of how I think others should behave in favor of the knowledge that whatever happens, I will be OK. I will be taken care of because my higher power does a great job of mitigating disaster and ensuring not that bad things will never happen, but if they do, my needs will still be met.
I dream of a world where we realize the world doesn’t bend to our whim, but circumstances will be created to ensure everything is alright. A world where we know we are always taken care of. A world where we relax, let things go, and trust in our concept of something greater than ourselves.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.