Keeping the faith is hard work.

When things don’t work out the way I want them to I start railing against the Universe: “Why are you putting me through this?? I hate you for doing this to me! Why can’t it happen the way I want?!?” etc. I get angry and pissed off and feel like screaming. Basically I turn into a petulant child.

It’s funny though because I’m getting upset things aren’t working out the way I want them to. Little ole me really thinks I know what’s best for my life as opposed to the force responsible for life and death? As opposed to the force that causes the world to spin? As opposed to the force that causes flowers to bloom and the sun to shine? Really? Really?

I think of something a friend said to me recently. She said every moment of anger/sadness/frustration is a love poem from our creator and it’s up to us to decipher it. I see how my frustration boils down to a lack of patience. How I want things to happen NOW, this instant. But some things cannot happen now. Some things take time. I see how my creator is trying to cultivate patience in me and unshakable faith.

And if I really think about it I’ve been shown time and again what’s best for me happens. I’ve been shown time and again my wildest dreams are ant-sized compared to what my creator has in store for me. But I’m human so keeping the faith is hard. I have a tendency to doubt.

For now I keep dusting myself off when I stumble on my path toward steadfast faith. For now I keep picking myself up and I keep going forward because I know where I want to be. And this? This is not it.

I want to be in a place where my faith does not waver. I want to be in a place of constant trust and surrender. I want to be in a place where I have no doubt my creator is taking care of me. Where frustration does not exist because rather I savor what’s in front of me. Where I understand things take time and I may have to wait a little bit. Where I am ok with the questions and the ambiguity because I have hope and faith things will be turn out and they will be glorious. Where I trust even the crappy hard things are in my best interest.

And I have that wish for others.

I dream of a world where we all turn our frustration into something positive. A world where we have patience. A world where we understand everything is in our best interest. I dream of a world where trust and faith reign supreme. Where we all truly believe the universe is taking care of us. Where we open ourselves up and surrender to the divine will. Where we allow ourselves to be carried like sailboats on the water because we know there is a force greater than ourselves guiding the way.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Openness. To live a big, grand and exciting life I think requires openness. Being open to change, being open to positive messages from the universe, being open to all possibilities. How can we live the full life we are meant to if we are grasping onto ideas of the way things “should” be? If we are holding onto preconceived notions of how things “should” work, “should” turn out, “should” function?

When I reflect on my life, when I reflect on the adventures I have already experienced, I realize it’s because I approach life with an open heart (most of the time). It’s because I don’t close myself off to all possibilities. I ask for something and I’m open to receiving it in whatever form that takes.

The other day I asked Heather for a resource regarding communicating nonviolently in relationships. She told me to pray for it. Three days later I went to my coworker’s house and lying on the coffee table was exactly the kind of book I wanted to read! It felt as if the universe conspired to put that book there for me. So I could stumble across it. What a gift! What a treasure!

I say this not to brag or extol how much the universe loves me but rather illustrate this stuff happens all the time. And if it doesn’t, it can! Everyone can experience this kind of magic, this kind of grace. All it takes is an open heart and an open mind. Rising above our murky slumber to see the grace, see the serendipity in our lives. To see the guiding force and the love our Creator has for us all.

The way I see it, to live the life I wish to lead, to fulfill my dreams, it takes openness. Openness to being guided, openness to signs to messages to “coincidences.” Openness to what God has in store for us. When we turn our backs on the Universe there is only so much the Universe can do. Instead, when we open the windows to our hearts and minds anything can manifest. So much happens. It can and does and will.

I envision a world where we are all open to all possibilities. I envision a world where we communicate with divinity and allow divinity to communicate with us. I envision a world where we allow ourselves to be carried like dandelion seeds in the wind. Where our hearts and our minds are open. Where we all live big, grand, exciting lives and realize our utmost potential.

I know another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

While I appreciate the sentiment of “The World has Changed” I think it’s important for us to remember change happens all the time. We make all things new. You and I are changing this world at every moment. Yes it’s great and grand Barack Obama is now President of the United States but let us remember he is only one man.

The real power, the real change comes from us – from you and me when we unite together. When we join hands for a common cause. When we decide to work together that’s when the miracles happen. That’s where real change comes from.

I am not the President of the United States but that does not mean I am any less powerful or my worth is any less. The leader of the U.S. is merely that, the leader. He has no purpose, no function if there are no people to lead. Really the citizens of the world are far more powerful. Imagine what we could do if we tried! Imagine the change we could evoke if we united together as one! Think of the power we have in our hands!

So let us remember to temper all the talk of “a new era” with the understanding we change things all the time. Change happens at every moment. We usher in a “new era” with every breath we take. You and I as we unite are a force more powerful, more effective and more magnificent than any one person can ever be alone.

True power lies in our unity. True change comes from us. You and I are the agents of change, working for a new world. We. Us together.

I envision a world where the moralists clasp hands with one another and cooperate in the spirit of change. I envision a world where social activists link up with each other and realize they don’t need to start another nonprofit to elicit the change they wish to see. Where people recognize there are many willing participants who wish to work together as one. I envision a world where all the splinter groups bundle together as one. Where each and every person recognizes their own worth, their own power, regardless of their role in society. I envision a world where each and every person sees themselves for the powerful being they really are. Because you and I are more powerful, more magnificent and more brilliant than we can even imagine.

I’m sure many of you have read this quote numerous times before but it seems appropriate for this post:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love

So let us shine. Let us share our radiance with others. Let us take the candle flame glowing within each of us and join together to outshine the sun. We can do anything if we do it together.

Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

This week someone I really loved and cared about died. What it really highlights for me is nothing is permanent, nothing is stable.

At this moment I feel extremely unsettled, like God reached down and shook up my snow globe, which is perhaps a good thing.

Recognizing nothing is permanent, nothing is secure, really forces me to be present, to be in the moment. I realize every person in my life, every object, every situation is a gift. It’s something to be cherished for the short time it’s around. People will not be in my life forever, which is all the more reason to enjoy them while they are. Recognizing the impermanence of everything shows me I cannot take anything for granted. Who knows how long it will be around?

All I can do right now is be grateful for this moment, for this experience, for this life.

The only thing I think is truly permanent, truly stable and truly infinite is God. God’s love is all-pervading. God’s love is stable and permanent and always around. And these things surrouding me? These people? This computer I’m typing on? It’s a manifestation of God and God’s love. I, you, we are showered with God’s love all the time. Death reminds me to be grateful for it, to enjoy it, to revel in it.

I envision a world where no one takes one another for granted. I envision a world where we are all more present, where we recognize our lives for what they are: a gift. I envision a world where we enjoy each and every moment. Where we recognize God’s love surrounds us always. Where we can feel the ocean of bliss surrounding us and not fall for the trap we need any thing or person in our life to feel stable because it’s not true. There is permanence and stability only in the moment. There is only God and manifestations of God. There is only love in its various forms. There are only gifts from on high that make life a little more enjoyable. I envision a world where we are joyous and happy and free. I envision a world where people fully embrace and experience each and every moment because this moment is all we truly have.

Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

I know I already wrote a post about this but since it’s coming up for me again I decided to revisit it.

Lately I’m finding it hard to trust in God/the Universe/My Creator. Lately I find it hard to trust in an amorphous thing I can’t put my finger on. I find it hard to trust because as I mentioned in my previous entry, there are certain things I want so badly I’m worried if I let go, if I open my fist, if I give up the illusion of control, somehow they won’t come true. Somehow my dreams will be lost in the ether never to be realized.

I worry by trusting in a power greater than myself, by giving up my “control” I won’t get what I want.

And yet that’s not the case.

Last night I went to a Catholic Mass with some friends. The priest? pastor? said many things but one of his lines was to trust in God. To trust in God’s plan for us.

As I reflect on my life I see how it has all worked out in my best interest. God has my back, if you will. And not just my back but everyone’s back. I’m not alone in this or special or something. I bet if each and every one of us really examined our lives we would see how even our worst hell taught us something. How we needed to go through hell so X could happen.

I see how even when I wanted something so desperately, like to go to Northwestern University, it’s actually better I didn’t. I see how God knows what’s best for me even before I do. I see how God also has my best interest in mind. I see how I’m guided and pushed and pulled in a certain direction and even though I often feel like there’s a blindfold over my eyes, I never trip over tree stumps. I never end up with a bloody nose. Why? Because God loves me. And you. And everyone.

I also keep circling around something the famous Heather said: “Your dreams are ant-sized compared to what your creator has in store for you.”

So far she’s been right. I never in a million years would have told you this would be my life. I never would have guessed I would live in California or travel so much or experience the things I have. If I had it my way I would have lived in Maryland with two cats and a white picket fence by now. I see how God’s plan for me is so much sweeter, so my grander and so much greater than my own.

Even though I’m having trouble trusting as of late, I also see how I have no reason to doubt God. I have never been led astray.

I envision a world where I and others like me can trust in the Universe. Where we let go our need to control and instead let God lead our little life raft. I envision a world where we trust what happens to us is for our own good and stop trying to micromanage our lives. I envision a world where we try to align our will with God’s will and realize our utmost potential. I envision a world where all people strive for their dreams and never settle because it’s a “safe bet.” I envision a world where we not only trust but we know we’ll be taken care of no matter what. Where we open our arms and lift our hands up to the sky and proclaim, “You know what’s best for me. I trust in you.” Where we realize God’s plan for us is better than our own.

I know not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Love

Love. Such a big word for only four letters. I’ve heard there are people who horde saying, “I love you” like a squirrel putting away nuts for the winter.

I am not one of those people.

I say, “I love you” all the time. It doesn’t always mean the same thing, however. For me there are many shades of love. They all emanate from the same source but each is slightly different. The love I feel for my mother is different than the love I feel for my brother, which is different than the love I feel for a friend. And I feel a different love for different friends.

Why do I mention this? I mention this because I understand saying “I love you” can feel weighty but why be a miser? Love is the greatest gift we humans can give and receive. It’s what makes life worth living, and I’m not talking only about romantic love, although there’s that too. Love in general is what makes life precious, beautiful and fulfilling. A world without love is the worst kind of hell.

It is my firm belief the best way to make the world a better place is to spread more love. Spread love like you breath air. Give it away freely and to everyone. Even if you can’t say the words, send out that energy. Spread kindness, a loving energy. How can there be hate and war if everyone is spreading love? How can there be loneliness and isolation if each and everyone person feels they are loved? And the thing about love is not only does it feel good to receive but also to give. And while it may seem exhausting to constantly send love to people, love surrounds us. God’s love is ever present. Every object, every person, every thing is saturated in God’s love. We are absolutely drenched with it but sometimes we are blind to it or take it for granted.

The best way to not take it for granted is to give it back. How about saying I love you to God? Or even, “Thank you for bringing me into existence. Thank you for dropping me in your glorious creation. I love you and the life you have given me. Thank you.” How about letting everyone around you know they are loved? Why horde it? Why wait? Why not express it to anyone and everyone?

Just imagine what the world would be like if everyone felt a steady stream of love. If everyone felt cared about and loved unconditionally. Imagine what a utopia the world could be if we not only recognized God’s love for us but we spread that love to others. Imagine a world where everyone on the planet felt constant love from all corners. Where every child felt safe and loved unconditionally. Where every adult felt secure about the love in their lives.

We can bring that world into being. It’s already here, glimmering beneath the surface. I can see it.

I know not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Happiness

There are probably a million articles about how it’s important to visualize what you want. “See yourself winning that marathon, driving the Mercedes,” etc. In fact, the entire premise of The Secret is based on it. The message I hear again and again is, “Visualize the things you think will make you happy.” What if we skipped that step altogether and just visualized being happy?

I’m reminded of the movie “Peaceful Warrior,” based on Dan Millman’s autobiography “Way of the Peaceful Warrior.” Dan was a gymnast at UC Berkeley, well on his way to winning a national championship. A lot happens in the movie, but basically Dan gets into a car accident and shatters his femur. He gets a metal rod stuck into his leg. His coach thinks he can longer compete in the national championship but Dan perseveres, training on his own with the help of a guy he dubs Socrates – someone who helps him realize the power of being present. Dan competes in the U.S. Trials for the Olympics and wins.

After Dan gets his medal, a teammate comes up to him and says something along the lines of, “Wow! Can you teach me how you did that? I just know I’ll be happy once I win. If I can just get that gold medal my life will be great.”

How often do we think this way? How often do we say, “I’ll be happy when I lose 10 pounds, I’ll be happy once it’s the weekend, I’ll be happy once I get married.” Why do we think we need things/people/events to make us happy? Why not skip that step altogether and just go straight for happy? Why wait for it?

I think it’s great to visualize what we want. I want to publish a book (eventually) so I’m seeing it in my mind’s eye. However, I don’t believe my happiness is contingent on getting published. I don’t want to continue to put my happiness on the layaway plan. Instead of seeing myself happy X amount of time from now because I achieved X, I see myself happy right now. Not because I bought a new car or my boss gave me a pay increase or because of any outside factor. I visualize myself as happy. Now. I see/believe/feel myself in a state of happiness right now. I cut out the middle part, the illusion.

I dream of a world where people realize life is too short to put off their happiness. I dream of a world where we are happy because we choose to be, not because something happened to us. I dream of a world where everyone is happy a majority of the time. Not only can it happen, it does happen.

I know not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

Community

Lately I’ve been thinking about community, how everyone feels a need to connect. How as human beings an integral part of our existence is a longing to fit somewhere. Most of us already have a community we belong to, but what if that community were bigger and grander? What if we truly became a global community?

I envision a world where we take down our fences, our borders, our guards and “keep out” fades from existence. I envision a world where we all understand what I do affects you, what you do affects me — that we all affect each other. I envision a world where there’s a true sense of community around the world, so we cannot stand seeing our brothers and sisters suffer, and in fact we all take care of one another. I envision a world where the phrase “starving artist” ceases to exist because our creative people are allowed to express themselves in whatever capacity they choose and don’t have to worry about earning a living from their art. I envision a world where love is what makes the world go ’round. Where compassion reigns supreme and we all support each other. I envision a world where we are not only individuals but part of a larger group. A group that loves us, supports us and takes care of us. I envision a world where I cannot utter “I’m lucky I have a community” because everyone has a community. Everyone belongs. The lone wolf, the lone ranger, the outsider will no longer exist because we are all insiders. The circle will be huge and grand and encompass everyone. My community will be anywhere and everywhere. I can belong in the U.S., in Belize, in Iran, in China, in Namibia. I can belong anywhere. Everywhere.

I envision a world where my community is your community. Where you and I are linked. Where we all support each other without forgoing our individuality. Where I can strike out on my own but also look behind me and see the safety net waiting to catch me if I fall. I envision a life where the world is my community. The world is where I belong.

This world is already manifesting. I can already see it. Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

I wish to be transformed. Really and truly. I wish to soar to new heights to realize my full potential and be the person I’ve always dreamed I could be. I wish to do great, be great, and feel great. And you know what? I can.

I used to believe there were things about myself I was stuck with. I used to believe there were certain personality traits I was doomed to express forever.

Now I’ve come to realize everything can change, everything.

There’s an expression, “As you think so you become.” I think I can transform. I think I can change. I think I can realize my full potential. But retraining your thoughts is hard. Reciting affirmations all the time isn’t enough for me. The emotional freedom technique only takes me so far.

When I’ve gone as far as I can go I reach out my hand for help. I call on God and ask God to lift me up. I ask God to bring me above myself, my limitations. I ask God to help me to change, to show me the way. I ask God to help me soar to my highest heights, to transform me into my best person. I turn myself over to a power greater than myself, a power that has the capacity to change me, to get rid of the personality traits I no longer wish to express. I turn to God for my transformation.

And you know what? I shift, I change, I move. I don’t have to limit myself to what I “think” life is like. I don’t have to settle for anything, including myself. I don’t have to say “I’m impatient and that’s the way it will always be.” I can change, you can change, we all can change if we so desire.

I dream of a world where we as humans don’t settle for anything. Where we recognize all possibilities. Where we understand Yes We Can for anything, for everything. Where we can rid ourselves of personality traits we don’t like. Where we can rise above the issues giving us trouble. Where we can reach our dreams, where we can find success, where we transform ourselves. It can happen. It already has.

Not only is another world possible, it’s probable.

I find myself constantly reacting. “She said this so then I felt this.” Or “this happened so consequently I felt X.” I’m noticing how not fun that is. How not fun it is to constantly go outside myself for validation/support/comfort/whatever. How not fun it is to feel like a passive player in life instead of an active participant.

My last post I wrote about need. I suppose this post is a deepening/extension of that.

Rev. Michael Beckwith said our natural state as human beings is to feel high. I wanted to believe him when I heard that but didn’t know how being in that state constantly was possible.

Now I do.

Yesterday I was sick, and thus loopy and needy and crazy. I craved affirmation and sought it from others. Even when my mother told me what I wanted to hear, it wasn’t enough. It didn’t satisfy me, it didn’t comfort me, it didn’t fill me like I wanted it to. I realized (again) the only person who can give me what I need – including comfort, validation, etc – is me. Yesterday’s experience only deepened my realization, my belief.

Today I spoke to the now oft-mentioned Heather asking her for techniques or mechanisms to help me find the comfort I seek from myself. Is there some sort of visualization or something I can do when I want to hear how awesome I am?

Her response was to simply ask God/my Higher Power/whatever for help. Say “I want to shift, please show me the way” and the answer will reveal itself. Say “I feel X and I want to feel Y.” It will happen.

I also think by simply asking we open ourselves up to that change, we open ourselves up for the shift to occur. And you know what? I shifted. I wanted to feel better? Now I do.

When Rev. Beckwith says the natural state as human beings is to feel high I think he’s right. However, it takes time to get there. It takes time for the shift, the change to happen. In the meanwhile, certain events/situations/conversations will still throw me for a loop or put me in a funk. But! But! I can quickly move out of those funks. I can move myself from feeling down and low and depressed into a place of love and tranquility and peace. I can, you can, we all can.

I envision a world where we all stop reacting to what happens to us and instead we choose how to respond. I envision a world where we feel the constant bliss, or love, or whatever it is we wish to feel. Where we know we have the choice to feel what we desire. I envision a world where we recognize our own power, our own purpose, our own light. I envision a world where we consciously experience what we want.

I know in my heart of hearts not only is another world possible, it’s probable. Let’s make it happen. =)

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