I didn’t intend to write this today. If you read AWIP regularly you know I blog on Thursdays and today is Monday but here I am writing anyway. I’m writing because some things are coming up and I think it might be fruitful to share them.

On Saturday I hosted an EFT workshop through the meetup group I started as a real-life extension of this blog. (P.S. Thanks to everyone who attended!) Anyway, one of the attendees became really upset because I neglected to tell the group the event took place at a yoga studio and thus people would be sitting on the floor. It ended up being fine because not only does the studio have bolsters, yoga mats, blankets, and pillows, but there is also a bench and a few office chairs. So the attendee didn’t have to sit on the floor, it all worked out, but I am still feeling upset about it two days later.

What I’m doing is I’m punishing myself. I’m whipping myself for not telling people about the space even though I had the thought to do so. I’m beating myself up because, “I should have known better! Why didn’t I tell them! I’m a horrible person!” but really the event is a stand in for all the other mistakes I’ve made in my life. The incident is a stand in for when I cut in line seven years ago to hear the Dalai Lama speak at the National Cathedral. It’s a stand in for when my sister and I wrote letters to a pair of brothers when I was 12 (me asking to be friends, her to profess her crush) and the mother came up to me saying how inappropriate it was. The incident is a stand in for that one time in 5th grade when I changed the answers to my test as we went over it in class so I could make an A. The list goes on.

For me, whenever I make a mistake I always feel so bad about it – I blow it way out of proportion and then I try to rationalize it away by saying, “Well I didn’t know any better.” Or, “I did the best I could at the time.” Or, “We all make mistakes, I’m only human.” What I learned from the workshop this weekend is it’s important to acknowledge the mistake or bad feeling or whatever, so I can move past it.

Why am I writing this blogpost? I guess because the other thing I learned from the EFT workshop is to say to myself, “Even though I did/did not __________, I deeply and completely love and approve of and accept myself.” Somewhere in my life I picked up the message mistakes equals bad and how can you love a bad person?!?

As I write this I want to weep because it’s true – I really have been thinking the only way I deserve love is if I’m perfect. The past few months have produced cracks in that thinking but it’s there nonetheless, otherwise I wouldn’t still be upset I forgot to tell people they would be sitting on the floor. I also know this whole incident is an opportunity to expose this, to shine the light of day on something I’ve wanted to avoid. Because I am still deserving of self-love, no matter what I do, no matter what I say, no matter what I think. This isn’t license for me to run around harming people – I take a daily oath not to do so – but it is a license to allow myself to be human, to make mistakes and say, “I love you anyway.”

I dream of a world where we can all love ourselves unconditionally no matter what. Where we allow ourselves to make mistakes, to grow, to become masters. A world where we dust off all things that do not serve us so the diamond within may shine. A world where we can acknowledge our faults and not expect ourselves to be perfect. A world where we look in the mirror and say, “I love you no matter what.”

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

When I was a little girl I was very shy and quiet. A bit of a wallflower. I didn’t talk to strangers, didn’t cross the street before the light turned green, didn’t ride a bike until I knew I wouldn’t fall off, and never, ever dove off cliffs into the water below. I was not a risk taker. Because I didn’t want to get hurt. Because I wanted to feel safe. I lived by the creed, “Better safe than sorry.” It took me a long time to build up the courage to do things that scared me. It took years before I felt comfortable jumping off the head of this stone lizard and onto the knotted rope swing:

As I got older, the more safe I felt, the more risks I took. I jumped off the head of the lizard. I dove into rivers, ventured into caves, talked to strangers. I built up to that point because I felt it was safe to do so.

Yesterday as I journaled about my topic du jour (doubt), I realized my grown-up mind is also trying to protect me. As a kid I kept myself safe by never taking risks, by sitting on the sidelines. As an adult I’m keeping myself safe by doubting things will come to pass. Because if they don’t happen then, well, I never thought they would anyway. It’s that adage, “If you don’t try, you’ll never fail.” There are so many places I could go from here, so many points I could make, but what I want to express is I am safe at all times. Am I any safer now when I jump off the stone lizard than I was at 6 years old? No. Is it any safer now for me to cross the street before the light turns green than when I was 3? No. The only difference is in my head. The only difference is my perception.

What I’m realizing is safety, just like happiness, comes from within. It’s not an external force. I am not safe as soon as X, Y, and Z happens (or doesn’t happen as the case may be). I am safe at all times, in all ways, in all situations. It is safe for me to plow ahead, to reach for my dreams, to put my heart on the line. It’s safe for me to believe my intuition and accept divine guidance. It’s safe for me to think I can accomplish what I set my mind to. It’s safe for me to get hurt. Safety is not the absence of pain or sorrow or failure because all those things will happen anyway. Safety is really and truly a perspective. It’s a feeling. And I get to choose how I feel.

So I thank doubt and fear and my good girl complex for doing their job, for helping me to feel safe, for facilitating that process. I thank doubt and fear and whatever else has brought me to where I am today but it’s time to let them go now. It’s time to say, “Goodbye old friends, you served your purpose well.” Instead I know everything is already within me. I can take risks, I can dive off cliffs, I can believe what I feel intuitively because I carry safety within me.

Dr. Alan Zimmerman has a really beautiful quote that fits in quite nicely with the theme of this post:

“Remember the will of God never takes you to where the grace of God will not protect you.”

Knowing I carry safety within me, I strive forward, I take risks, I leave my fears and doubts by the wayside because I am already safe without them. I know safety is a feeling I create for myself irrespective of my environment and external circumstances. And that’s what I wish for others as well.

I dream of a world where everyone feels safe at all times. A world where we can create that for each other. A world where we strive to create the feeling of safety in others by constructing a harmonious environment, a peaceful planet, a world filled with love. A world where we love ourselves and each other unconditionally. A world where that unconditional love translates into how we treat each other. A world where we know we are safe no matter what.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

What I’m realizing is this whole doubt thing is the universe’s way of trying to get me to trust myself. I’ve written before about realizing the truth lies within, but getting rid of doubt is an application of that realization.

Last night a friend of mine said, “I can see this as the future or I can see this as the future,” and I got so upset. I felt upset because she wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear or what I felt intuitively. Also I realize I felt upset because I was afraid the outcome she predicted would come true. In that moment I realized I’ve been letting other people’s opinions sway me. I’ve been letting what other people think guide me and that is not what self-realization is about. It’s just not. The whole point of a spiritual path is recognizing the truth lies within. How can I believe that yet also look to other people for answers and validation? How can I believe I already know the truth when I get so upset by someone else’s comments?

I share this because I think many of us live in fear of the future or doubt what will come to pass. That’s probably why fortune telling and seeing psychics is so popular. I’ve done it too. Who doesn’t want to hear from somebody else the future is bright and all your dreams will come true? What I’m coming to realize though is I can do all that for myself. Lately I’ve been in a state of wanting constant validation. I’ve been wanting God/the Universe/my friends/family to tell me, “This is what your future will look like,” because I don’t believe my intuition, I don’t believe my own feelings. It’s easier for me to hear it from someone else. Last night though felt like the end to all that. Felt like my higher power saying to me, “When are you going to start trusting yourself and your own feelings about the future? When are you going to stop letting yourself be swayed by others?” Right now Lord. Right now.

I am a manifestation of God, of love, of light. I already know the truth. I already know what will come to pass. My life is my life and no one else’s. No one else knows the answers to my life and what my future holds nor do I know the answers for anyone else. I depend on myself and my higher power for guidance. Everyone else does their own thing and I do mine. I release all doubt because I also realize things change.

Another moment of profundity for me yesterday was understanding nothing is set in stone. And even stone engravings eventually fade. I may think getting from point A to point B is impossible right now and it probably is. But that’s the kicker: right now. It doesn’t mean this moment is how things will always be. While I may think it’s impossible for me to cross a river, at some point my higher power is going to build a bridge. Or send me an airplane. So I don’t need to worry about it. I don’t get to see my entire future, I only get to work toward it. God shows me little snippets of my life so I may continue to put one foot in front of the other and eventually arrive at point B. All the naysayers can just step aside because I have somewhere to be and something to work toward. And from this point forward I will not be deterred.

I release all fear, I release all doubt. I recognize only I can know my future based on the strong desires my higher power instilled within me. I recognize things don’t happen on my timeline but that eventually they do happen. I recognize the Universe guides me in a certain direction and its time to look inward for my compass. Other people can’t possibly know about my life and my future because they are too busy dealing with their own. All we can do for each other is offer love and support as we all figure out how to navigate through the jungle.

I dream of a world where we trust ourselves and our intuitive ability. A world where we all turn inward for the answers we seek. A world where we release all doubt, all fear, all resistance. A world where we recognize things change and nothing lasts forever. A world where we let other people live their lives and we live ours. A world where we know the things we desire most will come to pass if we let them.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

I want to be perfect. My idea of “perfect” has changed dramatically from external things like having a hot body, a cute boyfriend, a great job, etc. to internal things like being fearless, living in the moment, trusting in the universe, etc. But of course I want it all RIGHT NOW. And I beat myself up because I’m not where I want to be yet.

More than a week ago I wrote about releasing doubt. The thing is I’m still releasing it. And that’s ok. I previously wrote a post about spiraling up, about how the same issues keep coming up for us but we’re not in the same place we were before. In fact, it’s like we’re spiraling up a mountain. I guess I want to say I’m giving myself a break for not being over all my issues RIGHT THIS SECOND. Because sometimes things take a while. I’m human and I’ve lived in a certain reality where I felt things like fear, and doubt, and judgment for 25 years. So maybe it’s going to take more than one act of surrender and release to feel safe, trusting, and unconditionally loving. Maybe it’s going to take multiple times before the lesson sticks. It doesn’t make me a bad person or stupid or slow. I am who I am and I learn at the pace I learn. Sometimes it’s faster, sometimes it’s slower.

I think back to a conversation I had with a friend of mine a while ago and he said to me, “Life is about mastery. Learning a lesson and then applying it whenever fear comes up or doubt comes up. Because they will.” That makes complete sense, how life is about mastering lessons. It’s already applicable in something like playing an instrument. Most people have to practice a lot before they can play well. There are some people who can pick up a guitar and play like virtuosos after one lesson but those people are rare. Most of us have to practice. For most of us it takes time to become masters. Why would relinquishing fear/doubt/control/judgment/impatience be much different?

This is me saying I’m one of those people who take time to master a lesson. I’m one of those people who have to keep applying what I’ve learned. I’m one of those people who have to practice before I can rock out to Jimi Hendrix’s “The Star-Spangled Banner.” I think ultimately that’s what’s important – not how long it takes me to learn a lesson but that I learn it. And I will. Day by day, little by little, when my deep underlying issues crop up, I tap them away, I affirm them away, and ultimately I release them to love.

I dream of a world where we cut ourselves some slack for spiraling up. A world where we know sometimes things take time and that’s ok. A world where we unconditionally love ourselves no matter how long it takes for us to learn a lesson. A world where we recognize we are becoming masters in our own way and eventually we will all get there.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

“Lack of doubt makes magic real and makes manifesting your wildest dreams probable.”– unknown

Can I just tell you I have doubts about the future? I have doubts about the way things will go down? I have doubts about where my life is going and what I will accomplish? The thing is though I don’t like it. I don’t like having doubts because I know it’s a vicious cycle where doubting something will happen invariably keeps it from happening. (Most likely anyway, but at the same time I recognize anything is possible.)

I also know “doubt” really means lack of trust. It means I’m saying to God, “I don’t believe you. You’re lying.” I wish I could say I’m past doubting and disbelieving in the Universe but I’m not yet. I wish I could say everything is hunky-dory now but I can’t. At the same time I want to move past it. At the same time I want to trust in my creator and my creator’s plan for me.

I doubt because of fear. I doubt because things don’t look the way I think they should look. I doubt because I can’t see the future and ascertain how I’m going to get from point A to point B. Because from where I’m standing getting to point B looks nigh impossible.

This doubt thing though runs counter to all my other beliefs. My knowledge the world is magical. My knowledge anything is possible. My knowledge I have a higher power greater than myself watching out for me and steering me along.

The Universe has told me time and again, “Hey, this is going to happen,” and I keep refusing to believe it. And I laugh because I stumbled upon the quote I wrote above, “Lack of doubt makes magic real and makes manifesting your wildest dreams probable,” at the apex of my doubting state. If that isn’t like getting hit by a spiritual 2×4 I don’t know what is. I laugh because God is so obviously telling me to release my doubt, to trust in the cosmic plan, sending me sign after sign after sign. This too is where recognizing my life is my life comes in. Because I’ve been letting other people tell me how my life is going to work out. Or I’ve been looking at other people’s lives thinking mine will turn out the same way. And it won’t. It doesn’t.

My friend D would tell me to just let this all go. He’s right of course but obviously I have a “need” for doubt otherwise I wouldn’t be clutching onto it so tightly. And perhaps that’s really what this post is about. Knowing I have an issue I don’t like, that I want to get rid of, but that I’m also holding onto. This is me acknowledging a part of myself enjoys doubting because my ego likes to see me miserable. Likes to keep me confined and thinking I can’t have the things I want. This is me finally saying I don’t need to doubt because doubting gets me nowhere.

I, you, we, are divine children of God. Who am I to say great and glorious things cannot happen? Who am I to say the world is anything less than magical? Who am I to say to God, “You, who are responsible for all of creation, are wrong about this?”

Doubt keeps me boxed in this teeny tiny place and that’s not where I live, nor where I want to live. And so I release all doubt. The Lord has said to me, “Rebekah, this is what’s going to happen.” Who am I to say, “No, it’s not?”

I dream of a world where we release all doubt. Where we trust in the Universe and what the Universe has conveyed to us. A world where we see the magic in everything. A world where we know anything is possible. A world where we live in the present and let the future take care of itself. A world where we understand we walk arm in arm with the Supreme and that means trusting in what lies ahead.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Sometimes when people tell me their stories I over identify. I see so much of myself in them or their situation I start to think my life will turn out the same way theirs did. Like if they started dating a really close friend and it ended up being the most toxic relationship of their life, I start to think the same will be true for me. That’s just an example but it applies to various situations.

For a really long time I’ve wanted a roadmap for my life. Or at the very least to follow someone else’s pattern. Ideally someone would say to me, “Ok Rebekah, this is what you should do if you want a happy and successful life. Here are the actions you should take from now until the end of your days.” That may sound silly, but really I’ve wanted my life to be a math equation. I’ve wanted to know if I follow what other people have done I’ll get their results. In some ways I’ve wanted to live everyone else’s life except my own. I’ve wanted my life to follow a neat and ordered pattern because of fear. Because what will happen to me if it doesn’t follow that pattern? What will my life look like then?

I think this plays into the fear of the unknown and how we tend to choose the devil we know versus the devil we don’t. Because there’s the always the chance the unknown will be worse. And so I want to know. Want to know if I do exactly what Mary Jane did I’ll get exactly the same results. I want to follow in the footsteps of those who have come before me, something our culture lauds, but at the same time it’s a very narrow viewpoint.

The thing is life is not a math equation. Or at least it’s not as simple as 2+2 = 4. Just because someone I know met their best friend through a meetup group doesn’t mean the same thing will happen to me. We are each unique individuals with our own samscaras (karmic reactions). There are always extenuating circumstances.

I guess I’m saying lately I’m shifting the microscope from examining other people to examining myself. I’m starting to recognize what happens to other people will not necessarily happen to me. I have my own story. I have my own path, my own way and I cannot follow anyone else or assume the reactions to their actions will be the same as mine. We are not the same people.

At some point it’s time to take into account the magical world we live in, filled with infinite possibilities. A world where 2+2 = a banana. A world where I can wake up 20 minutes late and still get to work on time. A world where I can run into my best friend on the street.

This is me recognizing just because Joe Schmo cheated on Sally Jane when he studied abroad in France doesn’t mean Everett Everyman will do the same thing. This is me recognizing I have my own life, my own story, my own circumstances. They may look like someone else’s but that doesn’t mean they are. My life is my life and what happens to one person may not necessarily happen to me. The best thing I can do is take what I want from other people’s stories and leave the rest. Take what resonates as the truth for me and throw everything else out the window. The best I can do is live my own life.

I dream of a world where we allow for all possibilities. A world where we recognize life is magical and anything can happen. A world where we live our own lives knowing every situation is unique. A world where we release our need to control and instead live in the moment. A world where we understand life is complex and varied and that’s what makes it so awesome.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

There’s an expression I’ve heard that says, “Compare and despair.” Ain’t that the truth! There’s always going to be someone who is “better” or “worse” than me at something. In the past I’ve used it as a marker of self-worth or importance. As in, I can feel good about myself if I’m better than Jane Doe at a particular task, but feel bad about myself if I’m worse. Whoa buddy. Now isn’t that a perfect setup for creating a complex?

I bring this up because this week I do find I’m comparing myself to those around me. On both ends of the spectrum. I’ve compared myself and came up short and compared myself and came out ahead. Neither one of those is where I’d like to be. I don’t want to be ahead or behind. I don’t want to feel superior or inferior. In many ways it’s easier for me to deal with inferiority because then I can pull out my favorite quotes about how we’re all divine children of God and we’re all made to shine. It’s much harder for me to deal with superiority and arrogance because I almost feel like that’s what it means to believe I’m a divine child of God.

Really though superiority and inferiority are different sides of the same coin. When I start comparing myself to others, puffing up my ego, I’m overcompensating. I’m overcompensating to make myself feel better. To make myself believe I am courageous and intuitive and strong. Because a part of me must not really believe it. Otherwise I wouldn’t need to say I’m braver than so-and-so. Otherwise I would just feel that I’m brave, period.

All of this is just a long-winded way of saying when I judge others (and myself) it’s a sign I’m not giving me the love I need. Just like I wrote before about wanting people to pay attention to me, judgment is another indicator I’m not looking internally enough. I’m not telling myself, “I love you,” enough.

It would be very easy to start self-chastising, to criticize myself for being judgmental or arrogant or whatever, but the truth is those acts are so not helpful. They don’t correct the problem, they just make me feel worse. Criticizing only compounds the situation and adds a layer of guilt and shame.

I bring this up because judgment runs rampant in our society in all corners of the world. Somehow we’ve been conditioned to rank ourselves, figure out what our place is, and judge those around us. I for one don’t want to participate anymore. I’d rather be completely focused on me and my life, allowing other people to be who there, accepting them as they are, and letting go of anything else. I’d rather feel at peace with where I am, knowing the only person I can change or even want to change is myself. I’d rather deeply and completely love and approve and accept myself. I know when I do judgment falls away.

And I have that wish for others. (A video I’m tapping along with to help me in the process can be found here.)

I dream of a world where people are more internally focused. A world where they recognize they are who they are and comparisons are futile. A world where people love and approve and accept themselves. A world where people feel love for themselves and the love coming at them from the Universe. A world where we recognize we are each unique incarnations of God/Brahma/the Universe and that’s awesome. A world where we know someone else’s brilliance only heightens our own.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Reading A Return To Love, this week I felt really deeply the truth, “You are already loved.”

I think back to a conversation I had with a friend of mine roughly five years ago. She and I chatted on AIM about our respective boy troubles and I remember this moment of profundity when I said to her, “I think our search for relationships is really our quest for the divine.” I realized actually what I sought was divine love, a spiritual communion, unconditional love from an infinite source. And I kept looking for it externally in the arms of someone else when it already existed within me.

I don’t think my friend agreed with me but it brings me back to my realization the other night. I’ve been going on and on for the past few months about loving the self, about looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you,” but I’ve been downplaying the love from my higher power. The love that is always around me, unconditional, ever present.

The other night I felt such grace because I knew, “I am already loved.” I am loved for who I am in this moment. I don’t need to “seek” it. I don’t need to try to find it or run from person to person to see if they’ll give it to me. I already have it. Unconditionally. Eternally. My higher power loves me no matter what I do. No matter what I say. No matter what I feel. I don’t need to be a “good girl” or ace all my tests or lose 10 pounds. I am already loved just as I am.

I think of that scene in Bridget Jones’s Diary when Colin Firth says to Renee Zellweger, “I like you very much just as you are.” Rehashing it with her friends later they say, “Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose?” Renee shakes her head, “No.” Her friends are dumbfounded.

I think her friends are so perplexed because in our society we’re given the message we need to change in order to be loved. We need to be thinner, cleverer, prettier, whatever. (And often the messages are conflicting.) Rarely are we told, “I love you just as you are.” (Because honestly, if we were why would we need to buy so many things?)

It’s comforting and provides such peace to know I am loved unconditionally, and not just by my mother. There is a force out there that loves me more than I can even comprehend. But I’m willing to try. I’m willing to tap into the well of love that’s ever present and really feel it as much as I can.

I dream of a world where we feel unconditionally loved all the time. A world where we know we are magnificent just as we are. A world where we love ourselves and each other no matter what. A world where we experience true peace and comfort and serenity knowing we love ourselves and God loves us too. A world where love trumps all else.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

This week the only thing I can talk about is surrender. I know I’ve written about surrender many times before but this week is the first time I think I really got it.

In the past when I spoke of surrender it was usually in the context of a last-ditch effort. As in, “Well, nothing else has worked, so I’ll give this surrender thing a shot.” In the past I’ve been willing to surrender certain things but not others. It’s as if I said to the Universe, “I’ll surrender the job piece but the relationship part? I’ve got it covered.” Some things felt too important to give up, to release control of. Because if I gave up control that means it wouldn’t come true! How could I trust anyone other than me with something so precious?!? (But I’ve also learned this is not the case and invariably my dreams are ant-sized compared to what God has in store for me.)

So I’ve been approaching surrender in a piecemeal way and usually surrendering because I made myself so crazy I couldn’t do anything else. Surrender in some ways became synonymous with giving up. “Lord, I can’t take this anymore so I’m just giving it to you.” It’s only when I reached my breaking point that I would let go. I had been surrendering out of frustration.

This week I took a step beyond that. Now I’m surrendering not because I’m frustrated or have reached a breaking point or I’m expecting the Lord to handle things but because I want peace. I don’t know how everyone else’s mind works but I know for me when I’m not surrendering it’s like a giant game of Risk. “If I do this, then this will happen.” My mind becomes a whirlwind of ceaseless chatter and strategizing. I get incredibly controlling and obsessive because my mind keeps circling on the same things over and over again. This week I’m surrendering because I want the chatter to end. I want to feel at peace. I’m turning my will and my life over to the care of God because I’d rather live in a state of peace and serenity than manipulation and noise.

Now that I’m letting go of more my ego is flipping out. The ego, my “me-ness” is all about control and fear and manipulation. My ego is all about separation and division so when I start talking about all being love and seeing the interconnectedness of all things my ego starts to rebel. Because it knows it’s about to be obliterated. My ego knows it’s about to die so it’s freaking out. I liken true surrender to a salt doll melting in the ocean. Once it’s melted, the doll no longer exists. Once I’m completely surrendered to the universal energy that runs through all things “I” don’t really exist because everything is me and I am everything. My ego knows this about surrender and starts struggling for survival. Fear raises its ugly head.

As I contemplated this last night, contemplated my fear of losing my sense of self I realized several things. One, just because I surrender completely and totally, meaning I give my entire self to God and not just certain things and situations, it’s not like my life ends. I mean, maybe I’ll leave my physical body the very next moment but more likely when I wake up tomorrow I’ll still be here. I’ll still have to go to work. I’ll still have to intake air and food and water. In all likelihood my exterior life won’t look much different. And I still have a purpose on this earth, a mission to fulfill, otherwise I wouldn’t be here. My life will continue on. The only difference is my mind. And that’s the second realization I came to.

I realized by surrendering the only thing I’m really giving up is the constant chatter in my head, my crazy scheming/planning/manipulations and my fear. I’m giving up the things I don’t enjoy anyway. I’m giving up the things that drive me to my higher power in the first place. Surrendering completely is the death of my ego but it’s not the death of me. It’s more like finally meeting the person I always knew existed inside. It’s more like letting the all-pervasive love flow through me. And in this state I feel such grace, a grace and peace I dream of for others as well.

I dream of a world where we give our higher power the reigns in our lives. A world where we choose to swim in the ocean of love knowing all is well and all is God. A world where we surrender our entire selves knowing when we do so we’ll experience utmost peace and serenity. A world where we let our bright inner lights shine unobstructed. A world where we surrender to the cosmic consciousness knowing it spells not the end for us but merely the beginning.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

All Is Love?

Last week I wrote about releasing fear and returning to love. This week has been an application of that lesson, especially as it relates to things I would deem horrific, such as the earthquake in Haiti.

On Saturday I continued reading Marianne Williamson’s A Return To Love. As I sat on the BART train on my way to meet a friend it occurred to me everyone and everything is love. I really felt it. As I looked around I saw how every person, all the seats, metal poles, etc. were love incarnate. I saw how every being is a manifestation of love and the only thing that keeps us from recognizing that all the time is the ego. I saw a woman biting her nails on the train and as I looked at her I realized she and the passengers around her saw themselves as separate. Separate from each other. Separate from an all-pervasive love. They didn’t understand just how big they truly are. How they are love incarnate. Created out of love, steeped in love. How they are God. They are beauty. How a magnificent power runs through them and everyone else and the ego keeps us from feeling that way. (Or conversely we do think we are powerful but attribute the power to ourselves and not to God.) The ego keeps us thinking about well, just ourselves and our lives. That’s what the ego is. The “I” feeling.

I was in such an altered state on Saturday it was hard for me to get out of the BART station. My body had to go on autopilot because as I looked around all I could see was love. I could barely function. I walked into Walgreens to kill time and bought a Luna bar and as I approached the clerk I had a broad smile on my face because I didn’t see him for him, I saw him for the lovely divine being he is. I was so open and uninhibited the clerk smiled back at me and started asking me about my day. My seeing him as love brought out that feeling for him as well. It was contagious.

At the same time I couldn’t stay in that state (or at least I chose not to) because it was hard to stay grounded. I felt like a total space cadet. But I kept the truth and the knowledge every person is love and comes from love with me throughout the week. On Tuesday the earthquake hit Port-Au-Prince and I wanted to weep. How can I reconcile all is love when natural disasters like this happen? When people die and lose their homes? I’m still working on it. I don’t have all the answers and what resonates for me may not for everyone else. But these are the conclusions I’ve come to thus far.

My ego is what places value judgments. My ego decides what is “good” and what is “bad.” What’s helpful and what’s harmful. On the spiritual plane? There is no good or bad. There just is. Things just happen. Period. When it comes to natural disasters the Earth is just doing its thing. Responding to laws that I only mildly understand but laws nonetheless. The real issue I think is my perception. A part of me thinks love can only be “good” things like rainbows and butterflies and kittens. In truth though love is the “bad” things too.

Perhaps it’s time to take out my value judgments, my ideas of what love looks and see that things I don’t like can also be love. Perhaps it’s time to start seeing things more neutrally as just things that happen. To understand I may not like all the turn of events in the world but to understand they are still God, they are still love. Sometimes things like earthquakes just happen.

I also feel it’s important to point out here war, poverty, hunger, etc are due to a lack of love on our part. I understand God is not Santa Claus, doesn’t punish and reward people. Doesn’t create war. That’s what we do. We are the righteous ones deciding who is good and who is bad. We are the ones who create non-natural disasters. God is much more neutral, a potentiality that can go either way. I vote we use the potential to create something that benefits as many beings as possible.

I dream of a world where our ego blinders fall off and we each see the other as the creatures of love we are. I dream of a world where our perceptions change and we start seeing things more neutrally. I dream of a world where because we feel so much love for ourselves and everyone around us we help each other out. We live in a society where there is plenty of food to eat, safe places to live, good medical care for all, and everyone receives an excellent education. I dream of a world so filled with love it’s like living in a utopia.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

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