Another World is Probable

A million years ago I saw a refrigerator magnet that said, “You are what you think so choose your thoughts wisely!” I obviously agree with this sentiment – up to a point. A very wise friend said to me once, “The only true thing about a thought is that it’s a thought.” Yes.

I can get very attached to my thoughts, especially the negative ones. I can start to believe the ugly voices in my mind and it’s not always so easy to flip them to positive ones. Sometimes it’s easier to remember I am not what I think and I am not what I identify with. Giving myself some distance allows me to feel better because it’s true – I am not my thoughts, I am beyond my thoughts.

The point of the meditation I practice is to remind myself I am an expression of an infinite loving consciousness – I’m trying to reach a point beyond thought, beyond drama, beyond anything other than pure and perfect love. So no, I am not the insecure child within me, I am not the drama queen, I am not the writer, I am not any of the labels I adhere to because ultimately I am beyond them, I am more than them.

I really can’t express that in words because who I am is also beyond words, so instead I will leave you with a picture as a reminder. Whenever I look at images of space I am reminded I am more than this body, this mind, this life. I am that.

Horse head nebula region. To get the full effect, this needs to be viewed on a full screen.

I dream of a world where we remember we are not our thoughts. A world where we detach from our mind’s dramas. A world where we frequently put ourselves in a place beyond words and beyond time. A world where we feel with utmost certainty who and what we really are.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

A few weeks ago I listened to a radio show by Radleigh Valentine and he said on average people laugh 15 times a day. Fifteen times! And then he asked, “Do you remember if you laughed at all yesterday?” He pointed out it’s easy to remember the unpleasant things – the times we’re sad or scared or anxious – but the joyful times, the laughing times, are easier to forget. He encouraged his listeners to take note of when they laugh, to see if it adds up to 15 times. And then he said something really interesting: Plan for joy.

Radleigh does angel tarot and he suggested printing out this card as a reminder to plan for joy.

When he said, “Plan for joy” I wanted to pause his radio show so I could take that in. It hasn’t occurred to me lately I would need to plan for joy – I assumed joy would sort of happen if I bumbled around in my life. But you know? That’s not true – I mean, sure, I stumble across joy every once and a while like an adventurer coming into a clearing – but it wasn’t necessarily something I planned for. I assumed I’d experience joy once my life was peachy keen – when my financial situation improved, the love of my life came along, etc. I think you know this already, but joy is the quiet moments, the small events that we may not remember long after they happen. It’s having a friend call you up spontaneously asking to hang out. It’s laughing along with a television show. It’s finding out the book you put on hold at the library has become available.

Joy can be spontaneous but it can also be planned and that’s what struck me the most about Radleigh’s show. In an interesting juxtaposition, I had a powerful therapy session this week. I went from fearful, anxious, and insecure in one moment to laughing, goofy, and joyful in the next. My therapist had me remember a moment I felt joyful, loved, appreciated and embody it. Notice what colors I associated with the experience and then she asked me if a movement or sound accompanied it. It did – joy for me looks like strutting with my toes flexed and my heels out singing along to “Let’s go fly a kite” or Life of Brian’s “Always look on the bright side of life.”

What amazes me is no matter how icky I feel, strutting around my cottage and singing “Always look on the bright side of life,” automatically puts a smile on my face and lifts my mood. I can be melodramatic and get caught up in what’s wrong with my life. Lately, like I wrote on my birthday, I’m noticing what’s right. I’m seeking joy even in the midst of the things I do not like. And I’m remembering joy is not winning the lottery or buying a new car, it’s humming to myself while I walk, it’s remembering all the times I laughed yesterday, it’s making an active effort to improve my mood because I am planning for joy.

I dream of a world where we remember we can access joy at any time. A world where we all have that one song that brings a smile to our face. A world where we remember the times we laugh. A world where we not only experience joy, but we plan for it.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

I’m recycling a blog post from 2009 so, no, a friend of mine didn’t die on Tuesday, but I think this post has merit and I wanted to reshare it with y’all. 

This week I learned a lot about myself, where I am, and where I’d like to go. Someone I went to high school with died on Tuesday and it hit me like a Mack truck. We weren’t close, but it brought up all this stuff for me. As soon as I heard the news I wanted to pick up the phone and call somebody, I wanted someone to comfort me.

As I walked home from work, tears leaking out from the corners of my eyes, my Papa did his best to pacify me. He said all the right things, made all the right soothing noises, but it wasn’t enough. So then I called my mom. And she did all the same things. And it still wasn’t enough. And then I called some more people and it still wasn’t enough. After all this I realized, yet again, the comfort I crave has to come from me. The unconditional love, affection, and support has to come from within because coming from the outside it will never be enough. Because the outside love and comfort runs out. Because it’s unsustainable.

Love me tender, love me sweet. . .

It’s like a car: A car needs to run on gasoline but it can only go so far before it needs a refill. It’s the same way with getting love from the outside – it will help for a little while, but eventually we’ll need more. Eventually we’ll run through the love and support someone else gave us and return for our refill. And keep returning unless we learn to refill ourselves. I’d rather generate my own love, affection, comfort, and support because my supply is infinite. The love, affection, comfort, and support coming from me never ends and never will end. And I don’t need a telephone or a computer to access it either, it’s right here with me at all times.

So here I am, back to self-love, back to filling up my own cup of happiness, back to relying on myself to meet my needs. Turning to myself for the unconditional love and support I crave. And I see how the more I love and approve and accept myself as I am, the more I can do that for others. Once I fill up myself, any leftovers can be given to other people.

The other issue Ryan’s death brought up for me was fear. Fear of what will happen to me. Fear I won’t realize my dreams. Fear of the future, which really means lack of trust. Lack of trust what’s best for me will happen. Lack of trust I’ll be taken care of. I would like to release my need for fear and instead turn my fear into trust and that’s done through love. Love for me and love for the Supreme.

Because life is magical, I of course came across this post on Louise L. Hay’s website (which I recommend reading) that deals with this very subject. Louise articulates exactly what I’ve been feeling using the exact same imagery. Before I came across the article, I wrote an email to a friend saying how I think fear obscures our brightness. How fear is like a cloud that blocks out the sun. And how I’d rather live in the light. How I’d rather realize my own magnificence. In fact, that’s one of the affirmations Louise recommends: “I am now willing to only see my magnificence.”

I realize I created this mental pattern, this need for fear, but so too I realize I can uncreate it. I have the power to change my mind and I use that power to create a life I wish to lead. I want to feel loved at all times. I want to feel safe at all times in all situations. I want to trust in my Creator and my Creator’s plan for me. I want to realize my magnificence and rise above thoughts that attempt to make me afraid. I am already cradled by the divine in each and every moment – now it’s up to me to remember that.

I dream of a world where we love ourselves unconditionally. Where we feel safe in the here and now. Where we release our need for fear. Where we recognize ourselves to be bright, shining stars. A world where peace and harmony reign. A world where we feel at ease because we know and trust all our needs will be met. A world filled with magic and wonder and awe. A world where we see everything as an expression of an infinite, loving consciousness, ourselves included.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

At the end of January, the Onion had an article about a woman who said “sorry” 118 times for things such as bumping into an inanimate object or passing a coworker in the hall. The article is funny because there’s an element of truth to it; many women behave in the same way. I do too, not only apologize for things I don’t need to apologize for, but also assume fault, that I am to blame even if I’m not. If something’s not working properly I’ll say it’s because I did something wrong.

A small, but amazing thing happened a few weeks ago that reminded me it’s not always me, I’m not always the one to blame, and I’m not always at fault.

What does this image have to do with the theme “it’s not me?” I’m not sure but it’s quirky and I like it!

For the past month, every Sunday at 10 p.m. my internet has stopped working until about 11:30 or so. First, I called Comcast about it and they said there are no problems on their end. Then, I emailed the management company because my complex has commercial internet, thus I share it with several others. The timing I find incredibly annoying because around 10 p.m. on Sundays is precisely when I usually try to post this blog! And, I can’t go to sleep until I’ve done so, thus the longer it takes the internet to start working again, the later I go to bed.

When I spoke to the management company about the problem, their response was “You’re the only one who’s complaining so the problem must be your equipment.” Um, no.  I could see maybe having an issue with my super old, personal laptop but all of my devices being unable to connect? Even the new ones? I refused to believe the fault was mine even though everyone kept trying to pin it on me.

Finally, I asked the hive mind (aka, facebook) and my tech friends suggested someone was probably downloading movies at precisely that time and hogging up the bandwidth so no one else could use the internet. Ah, vindication. I cannot describe to you the relief I felt after hearing the fault was not mine even though the management, the owners, and Comcast kept saying it was. It would have been very easy for me to blame myself, blame my equipment, accept the problem as being mine alone, but I didn’t. I knew everyone else was wrong and stuck to my guns. I knew I and my equipment were not to blame.

It turns out lately other people have been complaining too because now the internet hasn’t been working for anyone. As a consequence, the management company is changing the network password and upgrading our equipment so hopefully things will improve for us all.

It’s a small example, but I like to believe by speaking up I improved the situation for everyone. Because so many of us complained, the management is doing something. I wonder what would have happened if I stayed quiet and assumed I (or my belongings) were the problem. It’s not always easy to speak up, to go against the grain, to hold fast to what we know to be true, but I have to believe it’s worth it because in the end things improve.

I dream of a world where we realize not everything is our fault even if someone says otherwise. A world where we stick to what we know to be true. A world where we speak up and speak out when the situation requires. A world where we stand in our strength and remember the problem is not always us.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

Many moons ago I fell in love with a guy who “made” me feel the highest highs (and the lowest lows). Being around him brought out the creative side of me, the side that writes poetry, the side that appreciates art and synchronicity and mysticism. When things didn’t work out between us I was crushed for many reasons, one of which was the belief that I would never feel the same again. That I would never feel a love so intense, a bliss so blissful, or a creativity so constant. You’ll notice that I put that first “made” in quotes — that’s because he didn’t make me feel anything that wasn’t already within me.

This stuff is already in us, just like how ice can’t be made without water.

The other day I watched a TV show (I won’t say which one because, well, spoilers) and one of the characters lamented the loss of her paramour because he brought out the creative side of her, a kind of magic she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to recreate without him. Her friend responded, “Honey, don’t forget that was already in you all along.” Now, people have been saying variations on that to me for a while, but it wasn’t until I watched this TV show and heard the words said in precisely that way it sunk in. I finally felt in my heart: “Oh, right. Those feelings, that creativity, already existed inside of me. It wasn’t a magical conjuring by this guy. It didn’t appear out of thin air.”

For a long time I thought the only way I could ever feel as blissful, creative, alive, etc. ever again was to be around that guy or to find another one. The internal feelings within me were always dependent on the presence of someone else (or something else). Realizing all of these feelings, this creativity, this magic exists within me frees me from the chains of external attachments. Frees me from the belief I have to have someone else around in order to feel them.

I bring this up because so often I hear people talking about how they need to go to India to find spirituality, or they need to go to this place to feel at peace. Or they need to date so and so in order to be happy. Or whatever, I’m sure you’ve heard the same things. Of course external things influence how we feel, I’m not denying that, but what I am saying is our joy, our bliss, our creativity, fill in the blank, are not dependent on external people, places, or things. Those feelings exist within us all along. Another person wouldn’t be able to bring them out of us just like how you can’t make ice without water.

Take me for instance. I still write poetry on occasion and I still appreciate art. I don’t have to have somebody in my life in order to bring out my creativity or help me love paintings, I can do that for myself. I don’t need to attach any of my internal qualities externally because the entire universe already exists inside of me — I have everything I need.

I dream of a world where we realize all the feelings we associate someone or something else bringing out in us we have inside already. A world where we remember we don’t have to go chasing after anything to elicit peace, joy, or love. A world where we treasure our inner landscape and play there often.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

“Difficulties can never be greater than your capacity to solve them.” — Shrii Shrii Anandamurti

Usually when I encounter a difficulty I want to run away or I groan and lament the state of affairs. I’ll wish and wish things were different and spend ages wondering why they’re not. This week, however, I’ve been getting into the sentiment of the quote by Anandamurti. I’m building upon my strength, and self-trust, remembering no matter what happens I can manage it.

What a great example of overcoming obstacles.

Here’s a small example. On Tuesday, I flew to Vienna. I had a connecting flight in Germany and I felt nauseated. I spent most of the flight clenching my teeth together, doing what I could to not throw up. I dreaded the idea of getting sick on the flight but you know what? It happened and it was fine. (I mean, it wasn’t pleasant, but I dealt with it.)

I’m reminded we are powerful beings, that we can overcome all obstacles. That life is not so much about avoiding drama or difficulty but instead remembering no matter what happens we shall overcome them. There are about a jillion stories of people overcoming adversity because you know what? People do it every day. Not just the big stuff but little things too. My colleague had her wallet stolen in Vienna at a restaurant and yeah, it sucked, but she’s doing an amazing job of continuing to take care of herself, of laughing about it, because in the end, she can overcome this difficulty and move on.

We all can. We have more strength, power, and resources than we know. We are resilient creatures, we’re adaptable, we can overcome anything. I want to put my faith in that and remember that no matter what happens in my life I can manage it.

I dream of a world where we understand our resilience. A world where instead of being scared of difficulties, we remember we can overcome them. A world where we keep marching ahead, waging war against all difficulties because we’re confident victory is guaranteed.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

This week I thought I’d try something different with this blogpost. I’m working through some stuff but nothing that’s coherent enough to share. Instead, I thought I would channel a message from my higher power, and by that I mean write what I think an unconditionally loving entity would say:

I love you. All is well. Your mind is caught up in many things – this and that – a lot of dramas that make life interesting but in the end they don’t matter. All is well. All is love. Everything is working out the way it’s supposed to. Even your difficulties will pass eventually as you are progressing through your life, learning your lessons, and come more into the fullness of your being.

All is well my dear.

Do not worry about how things will work out; just know they will work out. Do not live in the future where nothing is certain, nothing is guaranteed, and instead enjoy this moment of your life because there will never be another one like it. The future will take care of itself if you take care of yourself. Keep your thoughts optimistic and keep focusing on Me.

There are many things to distract you from realizing your goal, but remember the point of your life is not to acquire fame and wealth. Or kids and a partner. The point of your life is move closer to Me, toward spirit, toward love, toward the universe. The point of your life is to realize yourself not as you are now but as you are meant to be – an incarnation of a Cosmic entity. You are a divine and magnificent being full of wonder and love. Do not let yourself get bogged down by the trappings of human life because they too are an expression of Me.

You are on a path of love, of light, of truth. When you recall that, everything else will slip away because all is well. All is love. I love you, now, forever, and always.

I dream of a world where we remember all is well. A world where we keep our minds pointed toward spirit. A world where we take care of ourselves and each other. A world where we detach from the dramas of today because we remember they, too, will pass. A world where we live in the fullness of our being because we know all is well.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable. 

About a year ago I wrote a post called “Public Declaration of Trust” in which I declared my commitment to trusting my higher power/the universe/etc. This week I realized I’ve done a great job of doing that, of listening to my inner voice, of acting on intuition, and being in touch with a power greater than myself. What I haven’t done is trust myself.

What does this image have to do with self-trust? I have no idea but it came up in my google image search and I like it.

Let me explain. On Thursday, I went to the Conscious Network Meeting in Berkeley and felt nervous because I had never been to the meeting’s building before. “What if I get lost? What if I can’t find it?” First of all, I looked at a map before I left and also even if I did get lost, I could always ask for directions. I found the building because, well, I looked at the map and I paid attention to the landmarks. However, that little bit of anxiety reminded me that I discount myself and my abilities. I don’t trust that I’ll be able to handle whatever life throws at me. I worry about the future and what-ifs because a little part doesn’t believe I can rely on myself.

Because the universe always communicates with me, what did we talk about at the Conscious Network Meeting? Self-trust! Ah life, showing me the funny side. During the meeting I made a commitment to the members (and to me) that I would trust myself more – this blog is an extension of that.

If I don’t trust myself, there is no way I can show up for life fully because instead I get plagued by fear, doubt, and worry. I spend most of the time (figuratively) chewing my fingernails instead of feeling at ease and at peace. I want to feel more rock solid in myself, to remember I don’t need to know the future, I don’t have to have everything figured out because I have all the tools I need to take care of myself. I am a smart, capable, resourceful, communicative woman. I may not have the answer to everything but I have the intelligence to work it out and that is something I can rely on.

It’s important for all of us to believe in ourselves, to remember we’re capable of great things. To acknowledge we’ve been fine in the past and we’ll be fine in the future. It’s only in believing and trusting ourselves that we can accomplish what we came to this world to accomplish. It’s only by believing, “Yes, I can do ______,” that it will get done. First and foremost, it means believing in ourselves.

I dream of a world where we trust ourselves. A world where we trust our capabilities. A world where we realize the future doesn’t need to be mapped out because we’re intelligent people who can handle whatever life throws at us. A world where we feel at ease because we know all is well in our world.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.

This weekend my friends and I talked a lot about myth and metaphor and how metaphors shape a person’s worldview. Myths and metaphors are important because they affect how we act and interact. For instance, if a person’s personal metaphor is that she is superwoman, she will attempt to do too much and swoop in and save others, and often to her detriment. Or if a person’s worldview is that we are all one big family, he or she will treat others with love, respect, and compassion.

I’m still working out what my personal metaphor is, but what I can tell you is it’s changing and thus how I’m showing up in the world is changing.

I love the phoenix myth and the idea of being reborn after destruction.

At my core I am a loving person – I have a huge heart and I care deeply about all living beings. However, because I am so sensitive, especially when I was younger I didn’t feel safe being my loving, soft and feminine self. The world felt too big, scary, and rough. Like dropping a teddy bear in a field of velociraptors – if you do, it’s going to get ripped to shreds. My solution was to become like a medieval knight and put on loads of armor. If I wore armor that meant I wouldn’t get hurt. But my true self is loving and love is expansive; it doesn’t want to be contained and is not satisfied with existing inside a suit of armor.

Something about this whole Saturn return thing that I’m still undergoing is stripping away false beliefs and ways of being. Even as I wanted to be a medieval knight, even as I aspired to be hardhearted and fierce, I don’t think anyone ever actually perceived me that way. My point, and the reason for the title of this post, is that sometimes we think we know who we are, but often our perception doesn’t match up to reality. And more importantly, if we change the deep underlying story we operate from, we change how we show up in the world.

More and more I’m becoming love personified, that’s who I really am, that’s how most people perceive me I think. I want my new story to be that it’s safe to be soft, feminine, vulnerable, and loving. I want my perceived weakness to become my greatest strength. I want to exist in the world as I actually am, not who I think I should be.

I’m driving at two points here: 1.) who we think we are is often not who we actually are and 2.) the personal narrative we operate from is deeply important. I’m advocating that we realign who we actually are with a story that works for us and works for the betterment of the world.

I dream of a world where we each show up authentically. A world where we allow ourselves to be who we really are. A world where we take a closer look at the metaphorical stories we’re operating from and decide if they’re working for us. A world where we understand we can change our stories and as we change our stories we change our lives.

Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.