I have some notes for the cosmic powers that be. Is there a way to lodge complaints? A manager I can speak to? No? Who designed this system?!? At times like these, I understand why people question the existence of God/Higher Power/Source, etc. because if there is a God, why would It allow all these awful things to happen?
I think about this a lot both in terms of my personal life and in the broader world. Being the human I am, I want the world to revolve around me. I want things to go how I think they should go and struggle when they don’t. However, I have enough humility to recognize my perspective is limited. I’m not omniscient, omnipresent, or omnipotent but I do believe there is an entity that has all those traits.
If that’s so, then how can I account for all the atrocities in the world? Wouldn’t an all-powerful loving entity want to stop things like war? First off, yes, which is why every spiritual teacher ever preaches love, acceptance, and respect. The sticky wicket is that humans have free will. According to my spiritual philosophy, we are all on a spiritual journey. Not just humans but plants and animals too. Plants and animals are moving instinctually toward Cosmic Consciousness but humans have the blessing? the curse? of being able to choose whether they want to move closer or further away. And sometimes people choose things that I wouldn’t.
But an omnipotent entity can make anything happen because that’s what omnipotent means so why wouldn’t a loving Higher Power intervene in these instances? Why wouldn’t a loving Higher Power say, “I’m putting a stop to all this conflict”? The answer I keep coming to VERY begrudgingly is in this spiritual journey, Cosmic Consciousness is playing the long game. It’s not only about what happens today, tomorrow, or 50 years from now. It’s about what happens 500 years from now, 5,000 years from now. What will best serve humanity’s evolution? What will help us evolve as a species?
I hate this answer, truly I do, but sometimes what helps us grow the most is strife. I used this quote just the other week but it’s again applicable: “Whenever there is clash or conflict within any structure, whether subtle or crude, it acquires subtlety. This applies to both psychic clash and physical clash. The more subtle the crude mind becomes as a result of internal clash, the greater its spiritual awakening.”
In other words, I think society is undergoing a spiritual awakening. Do I love the mechanism for it? Not in the least, but I’m choosing to believe this is part of a larger plan that I’m not privy to. That all this psychic and physical clash is fertilizer for our evolution, leading us somewhere we want to go.
To quote my spiritual teacher again, “All human beings want light. One individual human is more luminous and more throbbing than that universal darkness. So human beings should always be optimistic. The cimmerian darkness cannot retard your progress, cannot cover the light of the human heart. The spirit of your heart must move on and on against obstacles. Kick away your obstacles like pebbles from your feet – you are stronger than your obstacles.”
I firmly believe the obstacle we are kicking away from our feet is narrow-mindedness and anything that seeks to strip us of our humanity. Whatever reduces people to segmented groups, whatever urges binary ways of thinking and acting, whatever encourages us to cover the light of our hearts is what we’re working to get rid of day by day, little by little until eventually, more of us will be spiritually awake than asleep.
I dream of a world where we take heart in trying times because we understand there’s something bigger than us happening. A world where we realize we are each playing a part in a Cosmic drama. A world where we recognize that growth happens in response to clash. A world where we remember society as a whole is experiencing a spiritual awakening.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I watched a viral video of a woman in California arguing why her kids shouldn’t be required to wear a mask to school. She told the school board they don’t have the authority to make that decision, and she cited the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and for some reason, the Federalist Papers.
My first response was to mock her, tell her what an idiot she is, why she’s wrong, etc. As we’ve seen though, fighting fire with fire only results in a conflagration. I kept mulling over the video and stumbled upon a passage from my spiritual teacher that softened me and offered some perspective on the situation. He said, “Everyone longs for liberation because bondage is not conducive to happiness …. all long for some kind of liberation – some in terms of freedom of action, some in terms of freedom on the intellectual level.”
We are all longing for liberation. We all want to escape from chains whether literal or metaphorical, and now when I think about the video, I start to wonder if maybe that’s what’s going on for this woman too. She doesn’t want someone else to tell her what to do or what her kids should do. She wants freedom but it’s coming out skewed. What I mean is, we as a society are brushing up against the confines of freedom in the physical and mental spheres. People want more and more freedom but the physical world imposes limits. You can’t have unlimited freedom on the earthly plane. You just can’t. But we still long for that so some people are taking that energy and ranting about wearing masks. I think what people are actually longing for is liberation from the bondage of being human.
According to my spiritual philosophy, every living being is on a journey from crudeness to subtlety. Every living being evolves over time to become more and more complex in all ways until finally that microcosmic entity becomes one with the macrocosmic entity. In other words, the source of all things. That’s what we’re all doing here. We’re constantly evolving physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually until one day we’re no longer even human. Watching this woman yell about freedom of choice, I now see her soul is yelling about a different sort of freedom. A thirst for freedom that will never be quenched on the physical plane and instead can only be satisfied on the spiritual one.
To quote my spiritual teacher again, he says, “There is in the living being a thirst for limitlessness. It is not possible for limited objects to quench one’s thirst. Brahma is the only limitless entity, and so establishment in Brahma’s bearing alone puts an end to all thirsts or cravings …. [A]nd so knowingly or unknowingly, human beings are indeed running after limitlessness.”
All of this is to say, I hear you, anti-mask lady. I hear your desire for freedom, for limitlessness, for no longer being ensnared by various bondages. I long for the same things and that’s why I have a devoted spiritual practice because I know what I really, really, really want cannot be found on Earth. And what you really, really, really want can’t either.
I dream of a world where we recognize the physical realm has its limits. A world where we understand our thirst for freedom can never be satisfied here, and instead, we turn to a spiritual practice to quench it. A world where we understand ultimately what we’re all longing for is liberation.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
Last week I wrote about the perspective Bhutan has taken in this pandemic that everyone is a part of one big family and how that’s played out in terms of the country’s policies. Here in the U.S., the more prevalent perspective is one of rugged individualism and separateness. Instead of viewing all of us as being in this together, we operate from a materialist worldview that says only matter is real and humans are alienated from not only each other, but everything.
From this perspective, consciousness is a “strange aberration that happens as an accidental byproduct of chemical interactions,” to quote my friend Amal Jacobson. The materialist worldview says the cosmos doesn’t have any consciousness and thus it becomes much easier to objectify, well, everything. Nature doesn’t have any value beyond its utilitarian value. A tree is worth more dead than it is alive. Furthermore, nature becomes something “out there” that we go to. We see this in the way we, me included, talk about nature. “I was out in nature in this weekend” is a common phrase we all say.
We are this and this is us. Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash
However, “out in nature” implies we’re separate from nature, that somehow we’re not included in this vast universe. The phrase also implies that we could ever get away from nature. That’s not possible even in the densest of cities because the very ground we stand on is nature, and furthermore, we are natural too.
Rebecca Solnit speaks to this in a Sierra magazine article when she writes, “It took the pervasiveness of radioactive fallout in the 1950s and pesticides in the 1960s to wake conservationists up to the fact that nothing is separate, and you can’t truly protect a place by setting it apart.”
You can’t protect a place by setting it apart because it’s impossible to truly be apart. That’s why there’s so much emphasis on intersectionality these days. We all intersect in various ways. Environmental justice goes hand in hand with social justice, for instance, because who typically pays the price for environmental destruction? Black, brown, and indigenous people. This cosmos is a spider web and if you pull on one thread, it vibrates the rest of them.
I have a friend who acknowledges this every morning in his prayers. He says, “I am eternally grateful to be an integrated particle in the infinite universe of your wisdom and will, and to live in your abundance and prosperity receiving your guidance, strength, mercy, and protection.” Gorgeous, right? I like the whole prayer, but in particular, I can’t help but wonder what would the world be like if we all felt this way? That we are an integrated particle that is only one part of a whole? The reality is materialism is a belief system just like what I’m proposing is also a belief system. Which one leads to a happier, healthier society? I think the answer is already obvious.
I dream of a world where we recognize no one is separate from one another. A world where we realize a thread of connection links not only human beings, but all beings. A world where we change our worldview and recognize we are an integrated particle of this vast universe and behave accordingly.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
The other day I noticed an Instagram influencer with millions of followers and she has messages like: “This is where your excuses come to die” and “Don’t let anything stop you.” I started wondering, why are these messages so popular? Why does this woman have so many followers? And then it occurred to me, we’re all looking for mirrors, metaphorically speaking.
What I mean is we seek people, situations, experiences, perspectives, etc. that reflect our insides in order to feel safe. If I think I’m a piece of crap and completely unlovable, then I’ll be in relationship with people who convey those messages to me through words and actions. If I believe I’m amazing, then I’ll be in relationship with people who convey those messages to me through words and actions.
We want our outsides to match our insides. Photo by Ashim D’Silva on Unsplash
What does this have to do with safety? If something doesn’t fit into our worldview, it’s threatening. To go back to my earlier example, if I think I’m a piece of crap, having someone tell me otherwise will lead to suspicion. “What’s wrong with this person if they think I’m great?” or another common thought is, “If they only knew the real me, they wouldn’t believe I’m so great.” Eventually I’d stop hanging out with that person because hearing I’m awesome would be too triggering. It would then be easy to think my relationships are so terrible because other people are the problem, when in reality the world is merely reflecting what I’m projecting.
Why am I bringing this up? I’m bringing it up because it’s easy to believe life is better when something external changes, and that’s true, the external is important, but how many of us are working on our insides? How many of us recognize the connection between our inner world and our outer world?
According to the spiritual philosophy I align with, everything is a thought projection of Cosmic Consciousness. That means nothing is external and everything is internal. It then follows how and why the same is true for the individual — that my internal world gets reflected externally. I understand not everyone will jive with that philosophy, and that’s fine. The point I’m trying to make — and perhaps awkwardly because I’m still sick — is that there’s no difference between the internal and external. What we feel, we project and we seek out. We are all looking for mirrors.
I dream of a world where we understand in order to change our experience of the world we must change our internal reality. A world where we realize oftentimes the external won’t change until the internal does. A world where we realize we are all looking for mirrors.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
For the audio version of this post, scroll to the bottom.
“View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping yourself on the forehead and asking, ‘What was I thinking?’ breathe and ask the kinder question, ‘What was I learning?’” – Karen Salmansohn
I love this concept of kindsight, of viewing my past mistakes with compassion, but I’ll be honest, it’s soooo hard. Far easier for me to beat myself up for eternity. For instance, I still think about a mistake I made in 7th grade and burn with shame and embarrassment. I think it’s because in a weird way I believe by beating myself up about it over and over again I’ll keep myself from repeating it. Like that saying, “If you don’t remember the past you’re doomed to repeat it.”
View your past mistakes through the eyes of love!
Well, I’m so desperate not to repeat the past that I remember it and remember it and remember it . . . I have the “remembering the past” thing down pat so perhaps it’s time to move onto, “What was I learning?” If I ask, “What was I learning?” that means I can cut out the self-flagellation bit and focus on the lesson. Although, I have to be honest, at the moment I’m self-reflecting and beating myself up. One step at a time I guess.
On Friday, a friend asked me to speak about self-compassion (go figure) and it occurred to me the most compassionate thing I do for myself is let the mistake go. Not justify, not say, “Mistakes are human,” not remind myself I didn’t know better or nobody’s perfect, or any of the million things we say to ourselves and each other when we make a mistake. Just let it go. Say to myself, “OK. That happened. Let’s move on.”
To me, kindsight is about integrating the lesson to a degree I don’t have to constantly remind myself what I did wrong because I’ve already taken corrective measures. And it’s about trusting myself that I won’t make the same mistake, or at least I won’t in the exact same way, and if I do, I can forgive myself.
Ah forgiveness. That’s another tough one. I find it about a bajillion times easier to forgive other people, even people who’ve been mean to me, than to forgive myself. When I look at my character traits I see that lack of compassion for others isn’t one of them, but I certainly lack compassion for myself. I have such a big heart; perhaps it’s time to turn all that love, affection, forgiveness, and compassion inward. It sure beats the alternative.
I dream of a world where we have more compassion for ourselves. A world where we practice gentleness about our past mistakes. A world where we integrate the lessons we’ve learned and let go of the harmful deeds. A world where we view our past with kindsight.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
This week I experienced a huge shift in my perspective. I’ve been in a space of focusing on what I want – and lamenting that I don’t have it – instead of seeing what has been given to me. I think I’ve already mentioned for years I’ve been a bit, er, obsessed with being in a relationship. I did make peace with the fact I’m single, and may be single for the rest of my life, but that hasn’t slackened my wanting any less.
Last night I finally felt gratitude for being single. I have some hang ups and I finally realized what a blessing it is that I’m being given the space to work on those hang ups without anyone else around. I don’t have to deal with my issues while also trying to navigate the dynamics of involving myself with someone else. I see how much easier it is to heal my wounds now that I’m alone. Instead of focusing on my “want” I’m instead seeing what has been given to me – a great opportunity.
Everything can be looked at as either a blessing or a curse.
In the same vein, I’ve been dreaming of the day I can stop writing about things I don’t particular care about and instead make money from my publishing company Inspirí Press and my book Just a Girl from Kansas. If you’ve met me in person it’s quite likely you’ve heard me grumbling. On Tuesday I came home at 9 p.m. and still had to finish up an article for work. As I sat down at my desk, peace descended upon me as I began to write. Writing is what I was born to do. I finally realized what a blessing it is that I have the job I do. I get to work from home, as a writer, and honestly it’s not that difficult. I mean, it is and it isn’t. Writing is a skill so it doesn’t take me much effort to crank out an article. I understood I get paid to do something that’s fairly easy for me. I don’t have to stretch my limits everyday to do something I don’t fully understand. I don’t have to labor in a factory line. I don’t have to deal with snotty customers. I finally see what has been given to me.
I guess I’m taking gratitude a step further. I’m starting to cultivate an attitude of gratitude not only for the things everyone is grateful for – friends, a place to sleep, food to eat, etc. – but also for the things I used to dislike. I’m in the mindset of understanding everything is a blessing – even the things at first glance I thought were a curse. And that is a miracle.
I dream of a world where we look at what is being given to us. A world where we find the good even if at first glance we think it’s bad. A world where we feel grateful for all that’s given to us because we understand it all boils down to a shift in perspective. A world where instead of focusing only on what we want, we see what has been given.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve heard before I can choose how I feel so I interpreted that to mean I can feel happy all the time. But you know, that’s simply not true. If my dog dies I can’t all of a sudden feel happy. I’m an emotional being with emotional responses so I’m going to feel all of my feelings. It occurred to me today, however, I can change my perspective on a situation. That certainly is a choice.
This weekend has not unfolded AT ALL how I expected: unexpected houseguest! Little to no sleep! Crazy busy! I really thought I was going to spend this weekend sleeping in late and watching Netflix. Walking down the street this morning I started to feel resentment my weekend hasn’t even closely resembled that. What about all my sleep?!? What about all my rest?!? Then I heard an expression ringing in my ears: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Aw shucks. Instead of whitewashing my feelings I changed my perspective: perhaps even though it’s not what I wanted, it’s what I needed. I got to be of service this weekend helping out my best friend. We hung out in a way we haven’t for months. Someone else made me dinner and washed my dishes and I got to play with a video camera. I laughed and relaxed and released a whole lot of tension. And I still have tomorrow.
This post probably isn’t very profound, but it just occurred to me my feelings are my feelings: I don’t need to change them or mitigate them or do anything except feel them. My mind though? That is a completely different story. I can absolutely choose to think differently even if I cannot feel differently. I can absolutely see the bright side of everything. I can absolutely believe God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I can absolutely aim for a broader perspective. There are things I can change and I choose to change them.
After reflecting on my day, I’m closing it feeling gratitude instead of resentment. I hung out with my bestie! I saw my favorite singer! I watched Kung Fu Panda 2! I filmed chase scenes with my neighbor! These are not horrible things. In fact, these are pretty awesome things. And that’s the beauty of perspective: it makes everything better.
I dream of a world where we change our perspective. A world where we see the bright side of everything. A world where we feel our feelings and change our thoughts. A world where we accept things as they are and change what we can. A world where we live, love and let go.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
When I was a little girl I was very shy and quiet. A bit of a wallflower. I didn’t talk to strangers, didn’t cross the street before the light turned green, didn’t ride a bike until I knew I wouldn’t fall off, and never, ever dove off cliffs into the water below. I was not a risk taker. Because I didn’t want to get hurt. Because I wanted to feel safe. I lived by the creed, “Better safe than sorry.” It took me a long time to build up the courage to do things that scared me. It took years before I felt comfortable jumping off the head of this stone lizard and onto the knotted rope swing:
As I got older, the more safe I felt, the more risks I took. I jumped off the head of the lizard. I dove into rivers, ventured into caves, talked to strangers. I built up to that point because I felt it was safe to do so.
Yesterday as I journaled about my topic du jour (doubt), I realized my grown-up mind is also trying to protect me. As a kid I kept myself safe by never taking risks, by sitting on the sidelines. As an adult I’m keeping myself safe by doubting things will come to pass. Because if they don’t happen then, well, I never thought they would anyway. It’s that adage, “If you don’t try, you’ll never fail.” There are so many places I could go from here, so many points I could make, but what I want to express is I am safe at all times. Am I any safer now when I jump off the stone lizard than I was at 6 years old? No. Is it any safer now for me to cross the street before the light turns green than when I was 3? No. The only difference is in my head. The only difference is my perception.
What I’m realizing is safety, just like happiness, comes from within. It’s not an external force. I am not safe as soon as X, Y, and Z happens (or doesn’t happen as the case may be). I am safe at all times, in all ways, in all situations. It is safe for me to plow ahead, to reach for my dreams, to put my heart on the line. It’s safe for me to believe my intuition and accept divine guidance. It’s safe for me to think I can accomplish what I set my mind to. It’s safe for me to get hurt. Safety is not the absence of pain or sorrow or failure because all those things will happen anyway. Safety is really and truly a perspective. It’s a feeling. And I get to choose how I feel.
So I thank doubt and fear and my good girl complex for doing their job, for helping me to feel safe, for facilitating that process. I thank doubt and fear and whatever else has brought me to where I am today but it’s time to let them go now. It’s time to say, “Goodbye old friends, you served your purpose well.” Instead I know everything is already within me. I can take risks, I can dive off cliffs, I can believe what I feel intuitively because I carry safety within me.
Dr. Alan Zimmerman has a really beautiful quote that fits in quite nicely with the theme of this post:
“Remember the will of God never takes you to where the grace of God will not protect you.”
Knowing I carry safety within me, I strive forward, I take risks, I leave my fears and doubts by the wayside because I am already safe without them. I know safety is a feeling I create for myself irrespective of my environment and external circumstances. And that’s what I wish for others as well.
I dream of a world where everyone feels safe at all times. A world where we can create that for each other. A world where we strive to create the feeling of safety in others by constructing a harmonious environment, a peaceful planet, a world filled with love. A world where we love ourselves and each other unconditionally. A world where that unconditional love translates into how we treat each other. A world where we know we are safe no matter what.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.
I’ve been such a social butterfly lately – flitting from one outing to the next – that when I finally do get a moment alone, when I do get a chance to sit and be with me, I feel lonely. I feel like I want to pick up the phone and call someone and have them come over even though it’s 10:30 at night. Or I’ll want to immerse myself in reading, watching t.v., browsing the internet. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, or the occasional escapism. What I’m saying though is when it comes to a point where I feel uncomfortable sitting alone in my apartment, that’s a problem.
I don’t feel this way all the time, just sometimes. I love and approve and accept myself but sometimes, when I’m home alone on a Friday night (by my own choice I should add), I feel lonely. The place where I’m coming to is I realize being in the presence of other people won’t solve the problem; it will only mask it for a while. Just like I cannot depend on others to “make” me happy nor do I believe other people can “take away” my loneliness, anymore than they could take away fear or sadness. It’s liberating and also obnoxious to realize I feel what I want to feel. That includes loneliness.
In this moment I feel lonely because I’m choosing to feel lonely. In this moment I’m choosing to lament my single-girl status, my Friday night solitude. In point of fact there are many loved ones in my life. In truth I have plans from now until mid-August. I’m not saying this to brag about how popular I am, but to illustrate how it’s all a matter of perspective. I can choose to continue feeling lonely or I can embrace the times I’m alone. I can choose to feel empty because there’s no one for me to turn to and say, “Sometimes Isla Fisher looks like Alicia Silverstone,” or I can rejoice in this period of rejuvenation. In this blessed time where I get to be with just me, where I get to worry about me alone, where I get to take care of myself without worrying about anyone else. What a gift! What a blessing! I can choose to thank the universe for this period all to myself where I get to be with just me or not.
The truth is I am always connected to the Divine source, even when I feel like I’m not. The truth is God surrounds me at all times and also resides within me. It’s up to me to remember that.
I’m also reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Shrii Shrii Anandamurti, the founder of the yoga and meditation group I’m a part of:
“Whatever the reason for this vast universe, as long as this universe continues to exist, I am here to love you. The force that guides the stars guides you too: here, into my loving embrace. I am yours.”
When I consider that how can I possibly feel lonely? When I consider the force that created all of existence guides me, loves me, showers me with grace, why would I choose to feel disconnected from it all?
I say right here in this moment I choose to feel gratitude for having this opportunity to nourish myself. I feel grateful I can be alone with me and do the things I wish to do. I choose to recognize loneliness, like the many other emotions I experience, is my choice. That I can choose to feel lonely or not. I say I’d rather feel full and content and complete as I am in this moment. That I’d rather recognize I am surrounded by God’s love at all times. That God’s love pervades me at every moment.
I dream of a world where people recognize they are in charge of their minds. Where they realize it’s ok to feel all their emotions, even the less-than-pleasurable ones. Where they embrace all their feelings and allow themselves to enjoy the full spectrum. Where they recognize even when they’re in solitude they are still steeped in God’s love.
Another world is not only possible, it’s probable.